Possibly the most amazing Internet mystery solving of all time! Or at least of our time. Yesterday, we received this email from reader S.:
Seriously. $540 off—and it’s $135 now, which means it was originally $675. We need to say again: Seriously. We’re trying to figure out what could possibly account for the first price. We blame it on the Swarovski crystals. (“Swarovski crystals glitter from the triangle top of this studded string bikini.”) They cannot possibly be worth it.
This is sort of like the day-to-day version of those ridiculous million-dollar Victoria’s Secret bras. All we know is our bikini cost $32. It does not fascinate us, like this one, or The Bachelorette, but it gets the job done. Mosaic bikini by MB Beach Couture, $135
We’re really not entirely sure what we think of these new-fangled cutaway swimsuits. No, right? Especially the ones with the cut-outs on the sides—so there’s like the bathing suit, and then there’s all that extra flesh! We seriously, seriously do not get it.
This one above is the one we like the most, though we’re still not entirely sold. Juicy Couture cut-out suit, $160
This one we like because we basically couldn’t tell it was a cut-out—that square in the middle isn’t white fabric—and we love those straps in the back. Lenny swimsuit, $285
And this—this is not ideal, in our opinion. ASOS suit, about $40
Dit-to! Guess Collection swimsuit, was $110, now $82.50
Our first bikini of the season. Click here for the sale item of the day.
You know, we were completely prepared to do our standard sometimes-you-have-to-spend-money-to-make-money song and dance, just because Vivre’s usually so pricey, but there are some proper bargains in here. This is not quite that, but it’s so amazingly beautiful we might make an exception. Adam + Eve chiffon tank, was $334, now $135
This one is however: perfect under jackets for spring. Michael Michael Kors, was $60, now $21
This is more like expected Vivre prices but so nice if you are going to something fancy. In the Caribbean. That is apparently not very spring break. Michael Kors jersey top, was $750, now $300
And usually we’re quite resistant to posting the lingerie but this is adorable, and no longer that expensive. Elle Macphersons Intimates bra, was $55, now $22
In today’s Reader Mail:
I know you aren’t all weight-loss-tips on the site. But. Will you ask your peoples if they have any? Just one per person or something. It would be like a compendium!
We absolutely reiterate! We do not believe in diets, as they make people miserable. We do believe in exercise, and the fact that when you exercise, you tend not to buy unhealthy food. Of course, we’ve basically been subsisting on kielbasa the last two weeks, so what do we know. And we are saying this not at our fighting weight, having been sidelined by a ridiculous foot sprain after wiping out in an H&M. So we, personally, are running and doing lots of this yoga.
Well, we do know one thing: We’ve been trying to drink a lot of water—not specifically as a weight-loss technique, but because we need to stop drinking quite so much Diet Coke. Anyhoo, we realized that we weren’t feeling all snacky all day! We had this curiously slushy stomach that was not interested in Twizzlers. Now, if our original intention had been to avoid eating Twizzlers by drinking loads of water, you can bet that we just would have sat there freaking out and obsessing about Twizzlers. This worked better.
Anyway: ever upward! And moving on to bikinis. Marc by Marc Jacobs bikini, $158
In today’s Reader Mailbag:
I know this is a pretty strange question, but I have been thinking about it quite a bit. I am sort of average shaped. And it is that time of year for going to the beach. I am not super skinny. I own a bikini and a one-piece. I feel a lot safer in the one-piece than I do in the bikini, but all my friends say I should wear the bikini, and I think you said something about that too. I guess my question is—do you think girls who are sort of in between should wear bikinis? Maybe I am just being super insecure (I hope not) but I guess I wonder if you (or everybody) looks at a size-XX (and I don’t mean XXS) girl in a bikini and laugh or something.
Now first let us say we would never laugh at a girl in a bikini, unless we already hated her, in which case we would try to laugh at her in a bikini, in a jacket, in a jetsuit, whatever. Our position is this: We think, in general, that when you feel bad about yourself, you eat more. [Please substitute "you" for "we" there.] And maybe we are just being perverse, but we always feel better about ourselves in a bikini. It’s not even about how we look so much, because we actually don’t own a mirror other than the one in our bathroom (er, not that we’d see that mirror on the way to the beach, but you know what we mean)—it’s just that we have this idea in our mind: When we’re fat, we wear one-pieces. When we’re not, we can (“can”) wear bikinis. Now obviously this is ridiculous, since Olympic athletes wear one-pieces. But this is how it is for us. When we wear a bikini, we think: “We are wearing a bikini!” And so we are happy, and we—we are speaking for ourselves here—eat less, and everything goes along nicely.
All we know is that the last time we went to the beach we were forced to wear a one-piece and we were very sad about it, and we saw all these elderly (really) women in bikinis who looked like they were having the times of their lives, and didn’t give a shit what anybody else thought. All we’re saying is that they didn’t go home and binge.
We can absolutely understand different perspectives, and we would love to hear any of them here.
Above: J. Crew solid twist-front top, $36
We have been thinking lately of how much we like Julian Opie. You may remember him from the Blur portraits:
We know not everyone likes him, but we do.
We cannot, however, believe there is a Julian Opie Swatch. And yet it is so.
Anyway: see his site for super-fun screensavers and etc!
The dress on the woman in the illustration at top looks like Missoni to us. Which is … not the point, maybe, but still makes us think of shopping.
Missoni crochet bikini, $345