
Letter #1 from today's Reader Mailbag:
Is there a dress/pair of shoes/purse that by purchasing it, will magically make me get over my ex-boyfriend who is a fucking asshole?
I am bitter and would rather not be. Grrrrr. Only Bunnyshop can help.
J.
PS: Is there a magic pair of sunglasses that will turn his new girlfriend into an ugly troll?
Now, this is obviously a subject we have spent much time considering. Depending on whom you ask, a dress/pair of shoes/bag could, maybe, perhaps help attract a boyfriend. This is not, in our opinion, because they are savvy to the difference between $35 skinny jeans from the Gap and $350 skinny jeans from Seven, but because they are visual creatures, and like things that look nice. We neither endorse nor support this position, but we believe it is true.
We are not sure, however, that it works the other way as well. We tend to get a little spend-y when we are in a bad mood, and we are pretty sure this is a better reaction than doing Ecstasy or puking up Long Island Ice Teas on the sidewalk. We are pretty sure this is more of a distraction than anything else. Mostly it provides an option for doing something (a) outside of our apartment and (b) that is not crying.
What we are sure of is this: first, to the soft spots of the heart. They will break up. Nine times out of ten, or 99 times out of 100, they will break up. And if there is any solace to be found in it, we would just keep this in in the tiniest, darkest part of our heart, and that is: It is always possible, and sometimes quite possible, that he will want you back. We don't believe in motivation; we only believe in results: We believe even less in the motivation for motivation, if you know what we mean. If it helps you get your shit together, and we know this has been true for us, there is a lot of success in that line of thought that says: "I will be awesome, I will not neglect brushing my hair [been there], I will learn Italian and become dashing young Italian-speaking diplomat and cocktail party-hostess ... and then he will love me." That last part doesn't matter, because as you do all those things, you will magically, and it is pretty magical, stop caring about that last part, and then you will speak Italian, host cocktail parties, and have a hot new Italian boyfriend. Because. Really. There is always someone else. There is always, always, always someone else.
We don't think clothes help in these situations, except in the keeping neat 'n' tidy sense. We think adventure does. [This is our bias: Whenever we get advice from people, and we do that quite frequently, we always think to ourselves: Remember their bias.] We are the kind of people who believe a plane ticket to Paris solves everything. But, oh. It just does. It is a big world out there, and plane tickets get us closer to it. And they are much cheaper this time of year than more than a few pairs of jeans.

(Above: Grey Ant carpenter jeans, $330.)
The coldest medicine for him is for you to be amazing, and awesome, and just pay him no mind. It is also the best medicine for you. We believe in the power of clever shopping, in that the right sweater, shoes and skirt, in the right circumstances, can make a world of difference, and we believe that fashion, in the right, non-coke-dusted hands, can be an artform. But, in this case: moxie. One thousand times more useful than a new pair of jeans.