bunnyshop shopping fashion blog

Ask A Stupid Question, Ask A Guy

In today's Asking the Guy the Stupid Question:

v's day is coming up. exactly how can you tell what level of present you should get for someone who may be, or may not be, your boyfriend?

As usual, we have no fucking idea. From our trusty Answer Guy:

A: AG is a little embarrassed to answer this question, as there may, or may not be, someone (who may or may not be a BS reader) who may (or maybe not be?) be contemplating this very question with AG in mind. But here goes:

Valentine's Day is really, really, really, so very stupid. AG doesn't know (or admit to know) anyone, single or otherwise, who actually likes (or admits to like) Valentine's Day. But it's looming out there, and all of us single, or sorta-single folks, well, we're dreading it. Guys are actually not that different. We guys were there in third grade (row 1, seat 2) wondering if the cute girl next to us (who we secretly crushed on for another decade or so) was going to snub us, again. (She did).

AG is feeling awfully straightforward lately, and in fact suggests that you go ahead and initiate the isn't-valentines-day-stupid conversation, well, right about now. But after that conversation's been taken care of, go ahead and get the guy a sweet gift anyway, but maybe a week before V-Day. This gesture says: "I know we said we weren't going to do anything vomitously romantic on Valentine's day, but YOU'D BETTER FUCKING SEND ME FLOWERS SO I CAN RUB MY BITCHY COWORKERS FACE IN THEM. AND IT'D BETTER BE THE BIGGEST FUCKING ARRANGEMENT ANY OF THEM HAS EVER SEEN."

As for the actual present, if you are arts-n-crafty, just make a sweet card. It should not have any lace, ribbon, red, or pink in it. If you are less about sweet and more about stuff, our favorite present for boys from girls right now are engraved silver collar stays. Discrete, personal, and encourages the wearing of nice shirts. Okay, this is really a girlfriend-for-boyfriend gift, so scratch that idea for the non-boyfriend-boy. Just buy a card and scribble some nonsense in it. It doesn't really matter what you write. Boys are floored when they get anything from girls who are not their girlfriends. Other ideas, in descending order of what AG would like:

1) Liquor. Or beer.
2) Concert tickets
3) In lieu of any good bands being in town for the next month or so: iTunes
4) A few "Get Out The Dog House Free" cards. Careful: too many will encourage serious infractions.

But really, if you want to get the boy something, get him something. It doesn't have to be for V-Day; in fact, it's a lot more meaningful if it's not. V-Day gifts seem so awfully obligatory. And if you don't feel right gifting at this point, don't. You should not feel bad if the boy happens to do something out of the ordinary. There are plenty of days in the year to make up for being a shitty pre-girlfriend before he starts thinking about what to get you for Christmas.

We would like to add here that boyfriend or no-boyfriend we prefer to spend the "holiday" out of the country.

Ask A Stupid Question, Ask A Guy

In today's Ask a Guy a Stupid Question:

is there any way, once and for all, you can tell a metrosexual from an actual gay man?

And the answer:

A: Good question. Easy answer. The straightforward approach works really well, the chances are if you're wondering, he's heard the question before:

Girl: "Do you even like girls?"
Guy: "Of Course! Yes! Did you think I was gay? Everyone thinks I'm gay ... " blah blah
Girl: "Well, do you like ME?"
Make-out ensues.

Okay, say you're not quite that bold. There are lots of sort of innocuous questions that can get to the bottom of this really quickly. For example, ask the boy what kind of porn they watch. If they claim to not watch porn, they are 1) straight and 2) lying. We would have previously said interest in straight porn would be a pretty good indicator, but over the last couple of years, we've discovered that a lot of gay men watch straight porn (something to do with the conversion fantasy). Fast-forward through conversation about porn, make-out ensues. Not even THAT bold? Try this: pick out a guy of ambiguous sexuality and make a comment about how you hate not being able to tell who's gay and who's straight. Your metro might agree (in which he's gay), but otherwise, probably straight. In this case, you should feint surprise that he's straight, which should encourage a rush of testosterone, make-out ensues. Even yet less bold? You're seriously in dangerous territory if you can't use one of the above approaches, but the last suggestion is the easiest and kills two birds with one stone: Girl: "What did you say your girlfriend's name was?" Guy: "But I don't have a girlfriend ..." Girl: "Oh, maybe you were talking about your ex girlfriend?" ... and his response should provide sufficient illumination. Make-out is unlikely to immediately ensue in this case.

In the past, AG would use the point system (1 point for every face cream in his bathroom, 1 point for every show tune he can identify, 10 points for living the Castro or Chelsea, 2 points for watching Desperate Housewives, 3 points for iPod playlist named "Shake It Boy!", etc) but soon realized that he scored higher than most of the actual gay men he knows.

But AG is certainly glad to help out his fellow metrosexuals a little here. We're pretty sure that metros make the best boyfriends, even if we tend to spend a few extra minutes in the bathroom trimming our body hair.

By the way, are you aware of our fantastic contest?

Ask a Stupid Question, Ask A Guy

In today's half-there, half-not holiday publishing schedule, the Answer Guy answers the following question:

is it true that the more a guy thinks you don't like him, the more he will like you?

And the answer:

Don't. Start. But yes, if you are a betting girl, the smart money goes on playing these games, for both sexes. Guys are generally simple creatures who want what they can't have. Being obvious in your affection and effort and intentions won't generally get you very far. There's a thought in most guys' heads that if you are easy to get, you are not worth getting. This is sort of the rule on luxury goods. While we certainly don't want ridiculous cuff links that could provide sustenance to a small village for a year, we are kind of wondering about them, even though we don't wear gold. So if you (sort of unfortunately) think of yourself as a highly personalized luxury for the guy ... being a little too accessible ... not so good. Remember, guys generally want someone who's just a little bit out of their league. Your demonstration of little-to-no interest says exactly that. That said, be very, very cautious. The possibility that you're going to miss out on the-one-you-want is high. Most of the time, that cursory blow-off indicates that you are so out of our league that we shouldn't even try, when it might just be a little test (Note to the SF Marina Stalker: In your case, the cursory blow-off, in fact, indicates that they are so out of your league that you shouldn't even try). AG believes that there is a moment, if not seized, that cannot be recreated, so the only way to go about life is going for broke. Roll for the hard eight -- no even better: parlay the hard eight. Shoot the moon. You will generally not be rewarded for your transparency and effort. You will go up to the boy, say "you fucking dumbass, you are it," and he'll laugh. At you. You'll do it a hundred times, and then you will write to bunnyshop and say, "I fucking hate AG, his advice sucks, I am buying 18 pairs of ballet flats, too-tight bras and practicing speaking in spondic pentameter. I am flying to Paris and playing impossible-to-get." But then that 101st guy, the one who was going to throw you over his shoulder, and carry you out of the bar and never, ever, put you down ... well, you missed out on him. AG knows that you are probably not going to put yourself out there. This takes some serious nerves (possibly psychosis). And the gumption to throw a dinner party so all of your friends can not-so-subtly interrogate your crush. So, as you are wont to ignore AG's advice ... even better than pretending that you don't like him: being totally inaccessible. The best statement of inaccessibility, or so AG has heard, is being married to some oily beau hunk. And living 47 or so miles away. AG has polled the boys, and here's the summary: The girls we really, really want can do whatever they want. The girls we are not sure we want, playing hard-to-get can work. AG is sure that he can squeeze another column out of how to figure out into which category you fall.

Have a question for a guy? We know one. He'll answer it. Send any queries here.

Ask a Stupid Question, Ask A Guy

In today's Answer Guy:

I have an old friend - an old professor - with whom I'll be meeting up for dinner next week. He's awesome, and there has never been any old man-younger woman weirdness. (He's 12 years older than me.) He's not my type, and I'm not his. My question is this: He's going to pay. He always pays. This follows maybe a dozen lunches over the last couple years, and he always pays. At a certain point, should I offer? By the way: He makes like seven times what I do.

And the ... er, answer:

AG is probably the wrong person to be asking this, being a little bit old fashioned for his own good; AG for example, is the guy who still stands when a lady departs or approaches the table (although it is endlessly amusing to be asked: "oh, do you have to go to the bathroom too?"). But generally, this question is covered by the rules concerning invitations: the person doing the inviting does the paying. This is not to say, even if you are the invitee, that an offer to pay is out of line -- it is perfectly acceptable. It is, as always, sufficient to say thank you, and leave it at that. It is likely that your old friend is somewhat aware of the financial inequity here and would be mortified to let you pay, but, there is an outside chance that he is not aware, and furthermore beginning to wonder if you are ever going to pick up the check, in which case -- if your cards aren't maxed from the trip to the Short Hills Mall last week -- you should try to grab the bill. AG is willing to bet that the old friend will suggest that you not be silly (or, in the worst case, that you should split it). Grabbing is perhaps the wrong word, though. Ask your server for the bill, specifically using the word "I", rather than "we", as in, "can I have the check?". AG is now in the habit, when he senses there may be bill-contention, to bypass asking for the bill, rather, unobtrusively handing the plastic to the server and signing while you are in the bathroom, so you don't think that our slightly outrageous tip is either meant to impress you or get the female server's attention (it is never, never, the former).

If you are becoming uncomfortable with the idea of your old friend constantly treating, you should have a frank -- but lighthearted -- discussion. But not at the dinner table. AG has several friends, not necessarily female, who happen to also in the one-seventh category, and wonders, at times, if his paying makes them uncomfortable. The source of that discomfort, it would seem to AG, is a perceived excessive generosity or implied need for reciprocity. That's not the case; these are just what seem right.

If you are doing the inviting, and he is doing the paying, still, there are some, somewhat sexist, possibly Victorian things-that-guys-are-supposed-to-do that may be in play, but AG feels like these are mostly harmless. And since you have continued lunching with your old friend over the course of a "couple years", it seems likely that you aren't too annoyed. Some guys are just like this. As long as he's not making a big deal about it, why not?

Ask a Stupid Question, Ask A Guy

In today's Answer Guy:

Q: I just moved from BFE to the City to be with my boyfriend, whose female friends, I've discovered, are all obnoxious fashion girls. I could give a shit about fashion, I certainly am not spending the bulk of my paycheck on it, and I have no desire to be one of those vapid, insipid, entitled empty vessels. Still, I can't help but wonder if he likes them or wants me to dress/be more like them. Help?

A: There are really two options here in evaluating your boyfriend's relationship with his female friends: he is not fucking them because 1), he doesn't want to, or 2), they don't want to. Well, hmmm. AG has mostly female friends, and while most of them fall into one of those categories, it leaves a few who fit into two lesser categories: 3) they haven't got that desperate, YET, or 4) AG hasn't got that desperate, YET. So, with a small sampling of some of AG's straight guy friends, our female friends fall into the above categories in the following percentages, with some fairly liberal rounding:

Boy doesn't want (may or may not indicate that Girl doesn't want as well): 50%
Girl doesn't want (Boy does want): 40%
Girl is not desperate enough (Boy is or has been): 5%
Boy is not desperate enough: 5% (This is crudely known, to at least one boy, as the emergency landing strip).

The really interesting thing is that the answers changed when the boys were asked how they would describe the distribution to their significant others:

Boy doesn't want: 80%
Girl doesn't want: 0%
Girl is not desperate enough: 0%
Boy is not desperate enough: 20%

As much as that might seem like a tangent, this is important stuff. If you are what the boy wants, and he is not interested in the fahsion girls, worrying about this is going to cause problems. That said, you're not going to get an honest answer out of your boy about his level of interest in his female friends. He will deny, deny, deny. He may admit that she's attractive, but will almost certainly follow any statement to that effect with "but I'm just not interested in her like that," possibly followed by some insane justification of his supposed non-interest—AG prefers/recommends: "she's just not you," when backed into this particular corner. This may or may not be true. And if he wants you to look a little bit more like the girls he surrounds himself with (or the significant others of his friends, colleagues, etc), and you ignore that, well, that seems likely to end badly as well. But you probably aren't going to hear it from him, so, yes, you're fucked.

Why are these things so complicated, AG wonders. Really, it is a mystery why we don't know one guy, AG included, who does not lie to his significant other, at least once in a while.

But when it comes to your personal style or lack-there-of, AG is thinking: stick to your guns. You are not going to compete here, mostly because their combination of plentiful dollars and less-plentiful brain cells, when dedicated to fashion, is intended to keep YOU from looking like THEM. Furthermore, you really don't WANT to compete here, and AG instructs you to assume, for your sanity, that the boy wants you because you are YOU, you are different, you are perfect the way you are. If you don't make that assumption, you're likely to make yourself (and your boy) miserable. This is to say: believe what your boyfriend is probably telling you, whether or not he's lying (he is).

On the other hand, if you are/become open to (some) change for the boy (AG hopes you don't), AG would encourage you to make it easy for your boyfriend to admire members of the opposite sex in your presence. After some time, these will give you some indication of what (else) he likes. You can do what you want with this information. But, while AG often gawks at girls somewhat dissimilar to the kinds of girls he finds attractive for relationships, he still doesn't want the girlfriend to change (well, not based on just gawking). AG's guy friends confirm that they also do this, so don't make any dramatic changes before you confirm with the boy. Still, changing for a boy, even if it's just what you're wearing, is a bad idea, and as always, unless stated very clearly, do not expect reciprocity. Find someone who appreciates you as-is.

If it becomes purely a question of money, that is different. For example, if you are amenable to accompanying your boyfriend to an event where stylish attire is required (whether to make your boyfriend, your hosts or yourself comfortable is really beside the point), but you are not in a position to outfit yourself appropriately, well, it is your boyfriend's responsibility; that is, he ponies up. Period. Scratch that (the period). This is also a fantastic opportunity for one of his female friends to step up and offer something in her wardrobe. One tangential but incredibly important rule: return any item of borrowed clothing in the best state possible, dry-cleaned and meticulous, even if it's from your best friend. Deodorant stains, ripped seams, etc, are entirely unacceptable when borrowing.

What AG is noticing, though, is that boyfriends have a way of complimenting girls when they dress ... um, let's say ... differently, that makes them think: so when I'm not all done up, I guess you think I look like shit . Sometimes this is reversed, especially when they (the girl) are often done up, and in this case, they're apt to think: why do I put all the effort in? Really, you can't win. This, AG can only assume from personal experience and extensive anecdotal evidence, is somehow akin to boys thinking they are fucking someone new when their significant other changes their hair color dramatically. Don't take it too personally.

This is not, however, license to wear Birkenstock clogs, or any of the myriad truly awful fashion faux-pas ( e.g., ballet flats on girls who, quite clearly, are not, and never could have been, ballerinas—do not get me started) that are not acceptable anywhere, including BFE.

We just looked up "BFE" and apparently it refers to "bum-fuck Egypt." Fair enough. We will say we have no problem with anyone wearing ballerina flats. We just think, and here we diverge from our Answer Guy, who we have sworn to answer our queries only fully and honestly, that whenever we have worried about what our love interest thinks—in manners like this, rather than matters, like, say, what he wants for Christmas—we are unhappy, and whenever we are blissfully doing our own thing, we are, in fact, blissful. We are sure there is no percentage in anything else. Anything else. We repeat in an effort to achieve force, and conviction. There is no other way.

We open the floor to discussion. We would not change what we wear to please someone else. We will say, though, that we have been inspired, in the past, to wear fewer stained items of clothing to impress someone, someone male, and that, we are going to say with confidence, can be only a good thing.

We welcome further questions for our Answer Guy, who eagerly awaits them.

Ask A Stupid Question, Ask A Guy

In today's Ask a Stupid Question, Ask a Guy:

Dear Bunnyshop:

I spent the whole weekend watching What Not To Wear on BBC America, and now I am all paranoid. I know you hate them, but I am wondering what a guy would think about them. Is it just guy-style tough love—which would mean we should listen to them, however horrible they seem?

Well, we know where we stand, but here goes:

AG is a big fan of anyone who is willing to answer the tough questions with some tough answers. AG likes it even more when tough advice is given to those in need, in lieu of questions; we enjoy all sorts of disasters. AG is less sure, though, that T&S are out to really help, anymore, rather than be provocative. That they are tapping into the demographic of women lacking confidence and self-esteem not a new play (AG considers this a vital part of his dating pool), but this feels, recently, a bit mean-spirited. AG cannot, however, disagree with The Golden Rules, although, AG is sure that they are thinking of themselves a particular age and BMI when they drop: "No woman over the age of 35 should wear skirts above the knee." They have certainly not noticed the veritable bevy of tremendously fit women in their late 30s that seems to have taken over London recently. Please, please, do not let their jealousy interfere with AG's ogling. AG appreciates the spirit of full disclosure offered, but it isn't entirely clear what their qualifications for giving fashion advice are, as it's hard to walk down the street without observing many others who do more with less. AG is not the type of guy who recommends playing it safe, he would rather everyone shoot the moon, and is furthermore nonplused when supposed fashion mavens like T&S consistently err on the side of caution. Effective fashion is rarely about being safe. Being safe decomposes fashion, which probably a topic worth exploring on its own. Admittedly, AG is quite possibly not the target audience. But are they entertaining? Yes. But no, AG sadly would not recommend that our friends pay strict attention to any advice given remotely to others, whether via BBC, TLC, or some random blog. You are not others. And although many advice givers have the ability to make any off-the-cuff prescription sound awfully sensible, your friends—the ones who will in fact tell you your ass looks huge in that—are a far better source. An acquaintance, who is a professional advice-giver (AG is tempted to use "advisor"; this feels vague), repeats incessantly: "Prescription without diagnosis is malpractice." Trinny & Susannah have almost no ability to diagnose your case. Do not take them too seriously.

Fuck them, is what he means. Er, what we mean. Anyway: Have a question you want to ask an unbiased guy? We know one, and he's looking for your questions. Send them here.

Ask a Stupid Question, Ask a Guy

Well, we're never immune to the self-help virus here, and we like to see questions answered. Hopefully we're not getting too Sex and the City here. Ooh, the whole thing is really very confusing. People send in their questions, we're going to answer them. Have a stupid question you want to ask a guy? E-mail us here.

Q: A guy friend of mine who is sweet and sensitive and successful is flying his girlfriend to Hawaii for her birthday. This would never occur to my boyfriend—he is immune to the grand gesture. Who is more normal? Is the former an anomaly?

And now, the answer:

Clearly you are wondering whether to jump your sensitive, sweet, successful guy friend's bones, and dump your boyfriend. AG would much rather address how to make that happen, but ... Ah, more opportunities to differentiate boys like laundry—that is, like AG does laundry: separating things that smell really nasty (hot/pre-soak/extra rinse) from things that smell slightly less nasty (warm/pre-soak/extra-rinse) from things that are made of denim (not washed). If you have not watched a romantic comedy in the past few decades, you may not realize that boys do not generally "get it". So yes, your boy is not exactly anomalous. But ALL boys, with SOME girls, at VARIOUS times, will do something of note, which allows them to not get kicked to the curb. Some boys, like yours, like living closer to the edge. But before I get into some of the myriad ways that you can manipulate your Mr. Mr. into making the Grand Gesture—the one that will (not really) make up for his cheating/boozing/porn-addiction/misogyny/broke-ass-ness/being-a-guy, let's establish that it's fair for you to expect the GG. First, are you looking for him to make an effort, or spend money, or both? If he's broke, and you are wanting sparkly shit, this is not his fault. That said, even if he is not broke, maybe especially if he is not broke, buying you something is THE WORST substitution for a GG. Unless it involves some sacrifice, buying stuff is not a GG. And yes, this includes non-reconstructive plastic surgery. And in the case of sacrifice, it is the sacrifice that is the GG, not the spoils. Appreciate that. Second, does he know what you think is a GG? If he is not wooing you (i.e., you have slept with him already), you can safely dismiss the possibility that he is actively searching out ways to make the GG. Your hints (travel brochures, bridal magazines, Hugh Grant marathons) probably are not working. Third, do you know what he thinks is a GG? You may be missing out ... he may, in fact, believe that knitting articulated elbow warmers is a GG (it is). Finally, have you made your own GG? and did he notice? Reverse the above situations. But remember, you cannot expect reciprocity if you make a GG; this taints and possibly completely eliminates any grandness. But sometimes your gesturing will remind the boy that "oh, this person thinks I am special, maybe I should step away from the playstation and rock her world". But if you've made the GGs, and these are not returned, lower your expectations. If you cannot live without, it's time to dump the boy, and move on. Pestering him about it will only benefit his next girlfriend. When the boy does finally make the GG, AG recommends that you do not make a big deal, as the GG is done for you, not for him, and certainly not to get thanks and/or sex (well, mostly not). AG particularly appreciates/recommends the knowing look that says: I know that doing this means a lot to you and it means a lot to me. This encourages abdominal butterflies. We like butterflies. We want more. Bragging to your friends about our GG makes us feel pretty great too. AG would like to say, though, that all previous advice aside, daily doses of less-grand gestures (e.g., foot massage, regularly skipping boys-night-out to deal with your crises, attending five family weddings in a single summer, etc) sum up to something more important than a trip to hawaii or seeing your name in lights at the game. Chew on that. P.S. If you get sick of listening to your girl friends bragging about their boyfriends' GGs, wonder out loud "I wonder what he felt so guilty about that he did that?" It burns.

Burns! And we all hate burns. Honestly, the whole thing gives us a headache. Basta!

Ask a Stupid Question, Ask a Guy

In today's question for our all-purpose male figure:

Which do you consider more criminally heinous, visible lines from a too-tight bra or (possibly too-tight) panties?

Thanks!
E.

And the response:

With all that's been written about proper sizing of bras and pantie lines, both are entirely inexcusable. Yes, this is unfair, as guys don't really have either of these problems (except possibly in a pair of cream-colored flared Style Lab leather pants, circa 1999 when we were appropriately rocker-lithe), but really. If the solution to the problem was something more difficult than looking in a mirror and asking your local lingerie specialist for advice, we might excuse you. As we're slightly less likely to be caught staring at your ass, we no doubt will notice pantie lines more often than bra lines, unless there is some sizable volume of back-fat spilling over the bra. But really, moderate lines will not deter most men's attraction to an otherwise suitable mate.

AG also recommends against going commando when on the hunt, except when absolutely necessary, and furthermore suggests that spare underwear be kept at the ready, regardless of commando status. These can be slipped on at any opportune moment before getting naked in order to avoid looking like a complete slag, which, at your discretion, is not entirely undesirable.

AG is happy to assist with completely non-pervy lingerie shopping on three continents.

And so, "back-fat" and "slags" make their Bunnyshop debuts. Ooh, we're just going entirely down the toilet here. NB we've seen the Answer Guy and he's still "rocker-lithe." Just in time for the new Pete Doherty menswear collection!

Have a question for our resident male? He's dying to answer it. E-mail us here.

Because We Asked

From the lovely commenter\\questioner Emily:

What's the technical definition of "English tits?" I loved this post, but I really didn't understand that phrase.

And now, the answer:

It's not so much a phrase as a phenomenon. But before I even try to tackle the subject, I have to say that I am possibly the world's biggest fan of English women, and I will vigorously defend against any slurs to their aggregate beauty / sexiness. The two sexiest women I've met in the world over the past few years of extensive travel (100+ cities in 4 years) have been English. And they had fantastic breasts.

That said, English Tits. I'm pretty sure that this phrase was popularized around the time of Dido's breakout, but I'd heard the phrase before that. Think Emily Watson, Rachel Weisz (at times), They describe breasts that aren't necessarily small, yet have a sort-of slouchy sloppiness, probably with a hint of upper-breast concavity. From my extensive ogling (er, research) of women around the world, this certainly has nothing to do with being English, and in fact has little to do with breasts themselves. In fact, my introduction to the phrase was from a certain ogre from Austin, Texas whose sum experience with breasts was limited to porn, strippers and a morbidly obese high-school-sweetheart-cum-wife. I think there's a meme-ish (memic?)-yet-horribly-incorrect perception that English girls don't have particularly hot boobs. I shouldn't even use the phrase and perpetuate any supposed stereotype, but I've just found that it provides a good reference for one of the more common presentation problems for my girl friends' (not girlfriend's) breasts. Yes, I go bra shopping with my girl friends. No, I am not gay. Nor would you want to go bra shopping with your gay guy friends; take a look at this list of women worshipped by gay men: Part 1, Part 2.

My general advice if you think that you are having said presentation problems: your clothes are not tight enough, or they're not loose enough. Many knits exacerbate this, so, if you must, look for blended fabrics with a bit of stretchy stuff. This is not an excuse to wear a tighter bra, the resulting spillage / lines are far less appealing to guys than English Tits.

Oh, and stand up straight.

We would like to add that we are also heterosexual and we find Rachel Weisz's breasts spectacular.

Have another question for this guy? He will answer them. E-mail us here.

Ask a Stupid Question, Ask a Guy

Every once in a while, which is to say fairly often, we get a question from a reader we cannot answer. Very often, actually. This was one of them:

I wear those boob-enhancing bras from Victoria's Secret. My question is, do guys mind? There is going to be a point when this guy I am dating realizes my boobs are an A cup, not a C cup. Will he be disappointed? Should I stop wearing it a few times before we make out the first time?

Now. We. Have. Wondered. The very same thing. Our friend Lacey swears that nobody minds when the illusion is revealed. We have always felt this was false advertising. We know. It's ridiculous. But still: We, with this reader, wanted an answer. And so, we went to the source. We tend to be quite picky about who gets to share our little space here, needing to weed out anyone who would consider quizzing us on what we eat or our sex-a-bility or anything horrendous like that. But still, we were curious. We reached out to our on-hiatus stylist, who said: "It's a completely valid question. And being someone who is small-boobed, it's something I've thought about (my answer are the lightly lined bras from gap body—they're natural looking without feeling like a 12yo boy). As long as you don't delve into WILL BOYS LIKE ME IF...or how to 'please your man' shit."

Shit, indeed. We are, quite clearly, not about pleasing the man. And now, on to the question, answered an actual, real-life guy, and really, if we are being frank here, quite a freaking catch at that. He will be taking questions all week, so if you have something you need to ask a guy ... we can do that. E-mail us here.

Hrmm. So many issues, so little space. When you decide to get naked with a guy for the first time, if he's thinking about your boobs, he's an asshole, and you don't want to be with him (for more than a night; you can weed out most of the meatheads by wearing the tightest sports bra you can squeeze into in order to go completely 2D. And make ONE self-deprecating small boob joke to test the water. More than that and you risk being outed as the girl that writes to advice columns about her boobs.

That said, if you're more comfortable walking around faking it, go for it . Rubber chicken breast inserts or tissue paper or whatever other enhancement, the guy BETTER not give any indication that he is disappointed when said enhancement slips out of your bra, down your shirt, and into the pumpkin-butternut squash soup. BUT if he does, reach for his crotch and give a disappointed "oh...". And GOD FORBID, if he says something, feel free to go nuclear and say something like: "I'm used to a little more down there." Even if he's hung like Ewan Macgregor, I guarantee he will feel worse than you.

Really, the only time a man is entitled to be disappointed in the size of a women's breasts (or really any part of their body) is when they're paying for it, and yes, gold-diggers do fall into that category. ... BUT, there's nothing wrong in improving the presentation. Knits will generally make you look like you have English tits (Dido, Gwyneth), so stay away. Small boobs + tiny tee/tank = good. I don't care if Mischa Barton looks good in it, most any top from bebe will make your smallish boobs look weird (hollow?). Current season notwithstanding, Yigal Azrouel makes lots of sexy clothes that look right if you're flattish, but awkward if you have a rack. Also good for the less well endowed: sheer bras, Anne Fontaine, Stella McCartney. If you go strapless (dress, tube top, etc), avoid a plunge, straight across the chest works better unless it's corset tight.

And okay, we share this in the name of full disclosure, and not, we are thinking, with complete psychological assignation to the person who sullies our humble little fashion blog with his discussion of blow jobs. But from the Answer Guy, here is a Zagat-style poll of his guy friends:

It's "false advertising", would she mind if she "discovered her date was wearing a corset to hide his beer gut?" Being "comfortable with herself is a lot sexier", we "don't really care about boob size"; "leave the tempur-pedic at home", "worry about performance" instead; "a great blowjob makes up for most physical flaws"

Take it, leave it, we're just going to sit here and shake our heads. Got a question for a guy? Let us know.

Victoria's Secret IPEX bra, $45 - $47