25 Best Stores in Brooklyn: Artez'n

Since we had one—one!—of our 25 best stores in London all wrapped up, we said to ourselves, "Why deal with the other 24 when we can move on to the next city?" And so, we present store #1 of our 25 best stores in Brooklyn. We are hopeful, if not confident, that we will soon progress to #2. This is because we love Brooklyn more than just about anywhere else, even if a certain giant ... we are truly sitting here, saying to ourselves, "'Motherfucker'? 'Asswipe'? 'Fucker'? 'Real-estate developer'?" Any of the above—anyway, a certain giant ass is threatening to destroy it so he can make a billion dollars. The blood boils. Anyway: Store #1 is Artez'n. We like everything about it except for the way it is spelled, because we reject any spelling that requries us to go through a half-dozen other slight misspellings of "artisan" before we can figure it out. What we like most about them is their selection of Brooklyn-themed t-shirts.

Of course, this is our favorite, because it allows to silently protest motherfuckers who would piss on slowly developing neighborhoods to build his 16 skyscrapers to the heaven. This Develop Don't Destroy Brooklyn t-shirt is strangely not online at the Artez'n web-store, but it is available at the Artez'n real-life store, for $22. Or buy it straight from DDDB, which maybe allows for more of the money to go to inappropriate-skyscraper funding. Honestly, we're not sure. From one or the other, tho, for sure. This is the best image we can find, which is definitely a shame.

Coney Island. (See at very top.) Home of our favorite roller coaster ever and too many jackasses leaving their hot dog boxes on the beach. We are apparently suffering the after-effects of Garden State Parkway road rage today. Roxy's Tee Parlour Coney Island Mermaid tee, $24

Key piece of information: "Although it appears to be real, this sterling silver razor blade is not sharp." Key! Razor blade necklace by Analogous Jewelry, $110

We used to live in Gowanus, until we were mugged. All we want to do in life is turn Gowanus into a wonderland of free housing for artists and public school teachers and nice paramedics, and serve free rum slushees in a responsible manner to happy, courteous people from around the world. Gowanus Dredgers t-shirt, $22

We haven't read this book, but we would like to. We think we are coming down from the road rage adrenaline high. Thrift Store book by Emily K. Larned, $12.95