First: Yay Jennifer Hudson! That was cool, watching her win. And then the little waves she kept giving herself as she walked off-stage. That was awesome. The rest of it … whatever. It was sort of worth it for Jennifer Hudson. We’ve said it before: Somewhere out there, Justin Guarini feels newly emboldened. But really! It’s a message to us failures everywhere: You may have lost. You can get another chance. And win an Oscar! We love it. We would also like to thank God, for making JH remove her little silver jacket.

We also need to mention that we just realized we once made out with an Oscar nominee. Anything, we are thinking, is possible.

Well, well, well. Where do you start? Maybe this is our favorite. We can’t say. We’ve never been huge fans of big bangs and long, straight hair. But we’re speaking relatively, and at least we didn’t hate it, unlike….

This. This we totally hated, from doily dress to the bizarre butterfly bow. Tss.

And to us, it looks like Penelope Cruz is dressed for some sort of interpretive dance, in which she is channeling the spirit of a dancing, feathered pig. We’re just not into it.

Maybe it’s because that fashion week time of year. At least occasionally you see fashion there that looks like art. This just looks like fashion as commerce. We liked it better before Hollywood co-opted it. And why does Gwyneth Paltrow refuse to wear dresses that are properly supportive of her boobs? Why? Why?

We get that hot pink is a trend but … pass. We find ourselves bizarrely nostalgic for some 15-year-old Lithuanian models. Maybe it’s that those models, in some ways, really do look freakish, or weird, or wrong, and we’re so over hyper-rich Hollywood actresses who’ve had most of the quirks beaten out of them.

We love Maggie Gyllenhaal but this is not our favorite look of hers.

Ditto Cate Blanchett. We’ve loved her at every other awards show but we’re totally bored by this.

And Jada Pinkett Smith? Does anyone out there like this?

We will say this: We thought Cameron Diaz and her gravity-resistant hair looked horrible until she presented whatever she presented, and then we thought we actually sort of really liked that dress.

Kirsten Dunst. Whatever.

This is maybe just a really bad picture, because she had much more of a silver-foxy thing going on elsewhere.

Meryl Streep looks like one of our crazy art teachers, and we hate that necklace, but otherwise we think she looks gorgeous. But Nicole Kidman: that dress. Love the dress, but: that giant bow? We don’t get it. We know we are in the minority. We can live with that.