Possibly the funniest \ weirdest write-up we’ve ever seen in Style.com: “The mild-mannered and scrupulously polite [Viktor] Horsting and [Rolf] Snoeren can hardly be suspected of being closet sadists, but in this case their concept crossed over into cruelty.” It looks kind of awesome in the pictures, however. Ridiculous, but awesome. Even if it is impossible to sort of get your heads around the clothes when you can’t stop staring at the fact that the models have scaffolding coming out of their shoulders.

From today’s new website! New to us, anyway, because we are rut-getters-into who like to frequent the same places over and over and basically need to force ourselves to venture anywhere outside of it: Scandinavian oil cloths! Super Finnish and design-y, not hundreds of dollars! We love that deep blue color, too. Also: no need to wash, just wipe! Pappelina oil cloth, $31.65

Okay, so after the pillorying Jennifer Hudson has taken for that Andre Leon Talley confection of bizarre-o and weirdness, we find it half hysterical, half baffling that anyone would advertise anything, including but not limited to an aluminum foil shrug, as “similar to the dress worn by Jennifer Hudson at the 2007 Oscars.” Really? Baffling. In any case, all these share, to our eyes, is the color, and that very same-y waist area. Adrianna Papell halter gown, $168

This, we have to say, is the nicest picture we’ve seen. And we’re going to say that it is really the bolero that is such a travesty. We are still completely anti-pockets-in-evening-gowns, but the we do really like the coffee color and the detailing at the bust is nice as well. Still. We’re not sure this is an effective marketing strategy.

In today’s Ask the Stylist:

Hello ladies,

I have been looking for an overnight bag that is not hideously ugly and does not cost a fortune. You might think that these requirements would allow for a plethora of cute large bags. However this is not the case. I need something that will stand up to rainy SF weather as I trudge over to the bf’s apartment a few times a week. I also want to be able to bring it to work with me if I need to—so it needs to be classy (ie no nylon or beachy-ish totes). I don’t have any particular color in mind, but am thinking white or yellow could be kind of fabulous for the spring.

I have about $400 to spend on it (yay for tax refunds). But I’m willing to spend more for something truly useful and fabulous. Any suggestions?

Thank you thank you!

S.

Our stylist loves it when we do this, but we need to pre-empt her to say: We must always always first recommend the Jocasi Gladstone, which is humungous and perfect. Large Gladstone bag, about $320

And now, our stylist:

“The first thing I would ask is whether or not you’d be willing to consider a leather bag despite the rainy climate—some people like to keep them in pristine condition, but personally I think there’s nothing quite like a huge leather bag you can just beat the shit out of. This is one of my favorites—and I love the light green color for spring. It’s hard to tell from the photo but the length is listed at 17.5 inches, so this might be a good size.” Marc by Marc Jacobs bag, $448

“And then there’s this one—usually I hate big logo bags but for some reason this one just appeals to me. It’s weather-friendly, vinyl-coated canvas and probably schmancy enough that it’ll work in an office.” MXMJ laminated tote, $278

“Outside of MXMJ, I love Orla Kiely bags, and they’re super springtime-y. This is the classic OK print, and the biggest version—it’s 52 centimeters wide, whatever that is. Again, laminated canvas, so if not weather proof then at least weather resistant.” OK beach bag, about $250

“So I know this is neither white nor yellow, but this is an adorable tote and really not super expensive. The little bit of leather on the handles makes it almost suitable for a casual office. I’d have no anxiety about it, anyway.” Camo tote, $68

“And this was the closest I could find to an acceptable white bag—I know it’s not. But it’s reasonable close. It’s not black, anyway. $270′s a lot for a canvas bag, but it’s Zadig et Voltaire and I feel like their stuff just wears so beautifully I don’t really mind paying a premium for it.” Z&V bag, about $270

“And then finally—if you wanted to splurge, this is a really big—13″ X 13″—and made from gorgeous leather. It’s sort of a stretch, as a weekender, but I’d feel great putting a few day’s worth of stuff in it.” Kooba Parker, $635

And so! That is our stylist. Do you have a question for our stylist? Or our stylist from at Shopbop? Either one! Send in your queries, specify your stylist if you’d like, or … you know. Whatever. But: questions! Send them in.

We kept trying to pick out one look from the Balmain show to back up our to-be-made claim that it’s great. We couldn’t, exactly. They are all sort of weird. But we really encourage anyone to page through them. They are sort of awesome. They’re all like from some movie that hasn’t been written, like that Aimee Mann album.

In today’s out-of-the-rut-new-website, Plasticland: These look like very fun shoes for $50, which is about all we can stomach while shoe-shopping without getting that unpleasant queasiness going on. We would wear these, happily, with our darkest jeans. BC Footwear flats, $50

We know we were quite complain-y about it yesterday, but the more we think about it, the more we liked Nicole Kidman in Balenciaga. Part of it was the color, but also the high neck. Which sent us off looking for high-neck dresses. (But not in the ABS way.)

This was all set to be our mini dress of the day anyway: synchronicity! Alice + Olivia dress, $242

If we learned anything from the Oscars last night: strapless! For all of your events, star-studded and beer-drenched. Er, you know what we mean.

All we know is that that is a lot of va-va-va-voom for $106. But you know we’d be like, “Goddamn Tostito’s cheese dip!” when we looked at ourselves sideways. We would like to note that not everyone’s favorite color is green, so be advised that less-green colors (brown, black, etc.) are also available. Susana Monaco tube dress, $106

Honestly. It’s not exactly art, and J. Crew isn’t like our dream independent designer collective, but every bride in the country should be physically forced to outfit their bridesmaids in these J. Crew dresses. Sadie silk faille dress, $295

We have to admit, we’re not entirely sure about this dress, because we can’t quite see the entire thing from this photo. But the colors look lovely and we’d be willing to give it a shot since it is, unlike the J. Crew above, by an independent designer. Wai Ching strapless dress, $298

We’re a little bit iffy about the color—even an ivory dress just seems totally off-limits to wear to, say, a wedding—we love the shape and all we want at the moment is a dress with a bubble hem. DVF dress,$345

We tend to get into ruts here, with our favorite-y favorites and all that, so in the name of getting out of the trenches, we’ll be going to different places and picking out our top pick. You can see our love for repetition here. Today: Apothia.

Anyway: Aren’t these pretty? If we had a guest room, in addition to our one room, we would probably also have a guest bathroom, and we would totally put these in there to impress our many impressive guests. Ooh, fantasyland, we just love it there. Mistral lavender soap, $7.50

We were just thinking how Naomi Watts’ dress looks just like this one from Susana Monaco. Big lesson from the Oscars, something about strapless, no? We actually really prefer it in the black, or brown: big sweater dress and bright tights for now, sandals as soon as this ridiculous weather stops making us miserable. Man, we really do not like those bizarre-o sleeves on Naomi Watts. We maintain or position on Nicole’s Xmas morning dress. Totally perfect. But. That. Stupid bow!

Susana Monaco tube dress, $106