Generra’s crochet sweater. But we’d really rather discuss our Halloween costume or our bizarre peek into the world of men.

Generra crochet top, was $225, now $157.50

Every once in a while, which is to say fairly often, we get a question from a reader we cannot answer. Very often, actually. This was one of them:

I wear those boob-enhancing bras from Victoria’s Secret. My question is, do guys mind? There is going to be a point when this guy I am dating realizes my boobs are an A cup, not a C cup. Will he be disappointed? Should I stop wearing it a few times before we make out the first time?

Now. We. Have. Wondered. The very same thing. Our friend Lacey swears that nobody minds when the illusion is revealed. We have always felt this was false advertising. We know. It’s ridiculous. But still: We, with this reader, wanted an answer. And so, we went to the source. We tend to be quite picky about who gets to share our little space here, needing to weed out anyone who would consider quizzing us on what we eat or our sex-a-bility or anything horrendous like that. But still, we were curious. We reached out to our on-hiatus stylist, who said: “It’s a completely valid question. And being someone who is small-boobed, it’s something I’ve thought about (my answer are the lightly lined bras from gap body—they’re natural looking without feeling like a 12yo boy). As long as you don’t delve into WILL BOYS LIKE ME IF…or how to ‘please your man’ shit.”

Shit, indeed. We are, quite clearly, not about pleasing the man. And now, on to the question, answered an actual, real-life guy, and really, if we are being frank here, quite a freaking catch at that. He will be taking questions all week, so if you have something you need to ask a guy … we can do that. E-mail us here.

Hrmm. So many issues, so little space. When you decide to get naked with a guy for the first time, if he’s thinking about your boobs, he’s an asshole, and you don’t want to be with him (for more than a night; you can weed out most of the meatheads by wearing the tightest sports bra you can squeeze into in order to go completely 2D. And make ONE self-deprecating small boob joke to test the water. More than that and you risk being outed as the girl that writes to advice columns about her boobs.

That said, if you’re more comfortable walking around faking it, go for it . Rubber chicken breast inserts or tissue paper or whatever other enhancement, the guy BETTER not give any indication that he is disappointed when said enhancement slips out of your bra, down your shirt, and into the pumpkin-butternut squash soup. BUT if he does, reach for his crotch and give a disappointed “oh…”. And GOD FORBID, if he says something, feel free to go nuclear and say something like: “I’m used to a little more down there.” Even if he’s hung like Ewan Macgregor, I guarantee he will feel worse than you.

Really, the only time a man is entitled to be disappointed in the size of a women’s breasts (or really any part of their body) is when they’re paying for it, and yes, gold-diggers do fall into that category. … BUT, there’s nothing wrong in improving the presentation. Knits will generally make you look like you have English tits (Dido, Gwyneth), so stay away. Small boobs + tiny tee/tank = good. I don’t care if Mischa Barton looks good in it, most any top from bebe will make your smallish boobs look weird (hollow?). Current season notwithstanding, Yigal Azrouel makes lots of sexy clothes that look right if you’re flattish, but awkward if you have a rack. Also good for the less well endowed: sheer bras, Anne Fontaine, Stella McCartney. If you go strapless (dress, tube top, etc), avoid a plunge, straight across the chest works better unless it’s corset tight.

And okay, we share this in the name of full disclosure, and not, we are thinking, with complete psychological assignation to the person who sullies our humble little fashion blog with his discussion of blow jobs. But from the Answer Guy, here is a Zagat-style poll of his guy friends:

It’s “false advertising”, would she mind if she “discovered her date was wearing a corset to hide his beer gut?” Being “comfortable with herself is a lot sexier”, we “don’t really care about boob size”; “leave the tempur-pedic at home”, “worry about performance” instead; “a great blowjob makes up for most physical flaws”

Take it, leave it, we’re just going to sit here and shake our heads. Got a question for a guy? Let us know.

Victoria’s Secret IPEX bra, $45 – $47

The Bunny “We freaking hate this freaking holiday, as it is not a holiday, it is only an excuse for bazillion iterations of the ‘Dirty [Fill In Occupation]‘ costumes” Shop Halloween costume:

Part 1: Unisex knee-high tube socks, $10

Part 2: Interlock running shorts, $22

Part 3: Sheer scoop neck t-shirt in white, $22

Part 4: Lame triangle top, $26

Part 5: Cooperletter letters from Dutch Trade Shop that read “UNDERAGE,” two sheets at $8 per sheet

Part 6: 32-oz. spray bottle for instant wet-t-shirt American Apparel shoot, $2.99

Part 7: American Apparel model “costume,” composed entirely of items we already own, except for the kneesocks and the spray bottle, which we are sure we will find some reasonable post-holiday use for, priceless.

We don’t know what is going on at our local Marc Jacobs store, but we know we liked it: It was very garage sale, all of a sudden, with all of these things we could actually afford ($5>x), distracting us from all the things we could not afford (x>$500). Bumper stickers! Key chains! Clutches! And a whole wall full of metallic totes that we could not believe were under $100. We mean we really did not believe it, until we asked, and were informed it was so. We don’t understand. We see no reason to complain. We left with: four positive-affirmation elastic bands ($1). (Ours reads “Lucky in Love” on one side and “MJ” on the other. We’re trying to paint out the MJ, that’s just lame.) One metallic zippered card case ($12), particularly beneficial, we are thinking, for preventing cards from falling out, which, unfortunately, our current case does not. And one faux-tortoiseshell compact ($3), which has a lovely, fully functioning mirror but also a not-at-all-scratchproof exterior, so NB on that. All in all: a lot of MXMJ stuff for under $20. And because we are as slave-y to designer consumption as the next person who is similarly afflicted, we feel quite cured about that for the moment. Hurrah!

It is that time of week again, when we discuss the songs with which we are obsessed. There is a clear leader this week.

“Be Be Your Love” by Rachael Yamagata. This is the clear leader. We have listened to this song 143 times since Friday night. That is a fucking lot of times. This may include some time we spent at Whole Foods, and forgot to turn off the computer. But this song. Is now our song.

“Living on a Prayer” by Tori Amos. We could spend three hours talking about how this song is basically season two of The Wire, in four minutes or less. Who knew that “Tommy and Gina” are the names of Jon Bon Jovi’s niece and nephew? Not, and we say again not, us.

“The Power of Orange Knickers” by Tori Amos. This is the Damien Rice-free version, and much better for it.

“Way Down in the Hole” by Tom Waits. If we could be fictional characters, we would make ourselves Jimmy McNulty’s girlfriend in The Wire. Except we would magically make him not an alcoholic.

“I Found a Reason” by Cat Power. Clearly we are divided between moody female brooding, and songs that remind us of The Wire. This is possibly not the best method for crafting a top-notch music library.

First we must say: We want pictures of everyone’s favorite costumes. Send them in. The favorite wins another Bumble & bumble prize. Deadline is Friday. Send them here.

Honestly: We hate Halloween. This dates back to a year we can no longer remember, when, supposedly, or at least as we remember it, some nefarious gang was, like, promoting members based on the number of women they slashed on Halloween. We’re not even sure if this is true, but we remember being very, very scared about it. That doesn’t mean it was true, either, because we can remember being scared of like nine billion things that do not exist, or at least probably do not pose much actual harm. (Marauding asteroids? Rutting deer? The Sandinistas? Check, check, and check.) Nevermind—nevermind—that Halloween is just one big excuse to wear the lingerie outside. Oh, we are so over it. We mock what we do not understand.

However, and this is a big however, NPR has the quite possibly the best Project Runway related story we have ever seen, and that is a Halloween costume challenge. If we go out for day 3 of Halloween festivities tomorrow night, we might do so as one of the costumes they describe here. But that one—the bag of jellybeans—isn’t even our favorite. Our favorite is courtesy of Season 3 Katherine. We are going to “excerpt” it here, because we want to share that it truly truly truly took us like ten minutes to get the joke, as it were.

Team iPod:

Parent:
Wear all one color (preferably as bright as possible).
Attach a sheet that’s the same color to your wrists and ankles.
Spread arms and legs to create a “backdrop.”

Child:
Wear all black.
Listen to your iPod.
Dance in front of parent.
Get lots of candy!

Honestly. That is the funniest idea we have ever heard. Do not miss the complete story.

This is a random eBay announcement. We have been trying to track down a Tsumori Chisato wallet for a reader. We have not yet been able to find it. We have found this one, and it was sort of too weird \ cute to pass up. TSUMORI CHISATO leather wallet NWT + Anthropologie card, no current bid

Our Anthropologie spy says: “All the sale stuff is 40% off, but only in stores, not on the website.” So … to the stores, then. It seems like that would make this shirt, which we are linking to online, obviously, would be cheaper in the store. So … we include only for purposes of illustration. Easy Does It button-up shirt, was $58, now $29.95

Ooh, we just love Reader Mail so much. This is mostly because it means we can let our little brains relax a little bit. Today, in Reader Mail:

I love to get dressed up and go out on the town, but I haven’t had to do so in quite awhile. So I’m thinking the rules have changed, yet again. I have a black velvet, just about the knee length, V-neck, long sleeve, simple dress. I have a pair of black velvet 4” heels—love them! My question, however is: Do I wear pantyhose with this, or go without and bronze my gams up? I am hoping you say without!!

Ooh, there is no doubt. Without. Without. Without. We know that this may not be a majority position, but of course we believe that it should be: We do not believe in pantyhose. Fishnets, fine. Tights, excellent. Pantyhose: never. We do not own a pair. Personally, we are believers in bare legs, just because they are less annoying than trying to surreptitiously pull up your tights all night and then just giving up and pulling them up quite obviously. Mostly we find them uncomfortable. But also … not … for us. We do not judge. We just say for us, meh.

We are, as we have discussed lately, quite pro-tights this season, and without seeing the outfit we’d heartily recommend dark gray ribbed tights. We will say here that we recently bought a sort of caramel pair of tights and we’re just like, Why did we decide to just add 15 pounds to our lower body? Why would make that our choice? So … meh to that too. Gray is something else, however, and if not gray, we are exceptionally pro-plum. Gray tights are maybe too casual “city day” for a gala. Have you considered fishnets?

We were informed that we managed to buy the last pair of textured tights in San Francisco. We do not know if this is true, or the kind of scare-tactics salesmanship that we are particularly susceptible to. Either way.

We like the opaque tights in plum. (They are very similar to the ones shown here, we believe.) Opaque tights, $11

If we are being honest, however: If we are wearing a black dress, and black shoes, we are wearing fishnets. We don’t care if they’re cheesy; they’re cheesy and hot. We stand by this. And we would buy Wolford Twenties Fishnets, $42

Again, we open it to the floor. And we ask, once more, for questions from the questioning. Please send them here.

Crochet. We are trying to crochet a hat. We are fucking it up. We can’t crochet. And still, still, we are convinced that if we can crochet this hat, at some point, far in the future, we would be able to crochet a rug like this one. It is even nicer in the other colors it comes in. Erm, this picture doesn’t entirely do it justice, we would like to say. Paola Lenti + Eliana Gerotto crochet rug, price on request