Rebecca Beeson brown scoopneck banded t-shirt, $43, down from $72. Because you really just can’t have too many t-shirts, unless you are on Oprah’s Debt Diet, which we’ve been watching with a terrible fascination. Er, also in black!

Ballet shoes make us feel glass elevators: Like we are about to fall out of them. Ergo: straps. Yay! If only these could be fitted into glass elevators. Much better. These are Marc by Marc Jacobs. MXMJ, as it were. That could grow very annoying, very quickly. Beige satin flats, $295

And then there are these. We like these colors, although we should probably not. Because they’re what you’d wear when you were spending the Sunday doing things you are not particularly excited to do, like buy groceries and return overdue videos. It is no good doing these things barefoot, and anything requiring tying requires too much work. This will remain true until it is proper Havaiana weather. Palladium Freerubbers, $78.95 from Zappos, our very favorite shoe site.

Diesel always freaks us out, because of advertisements like this. Not because of the ad, exactly, but because some day, if we were ever to find ourselves guardian-ing small people, we would end up organizing boycotts or something over it. Fine difference. That said, our favorite shirt is from Diesel. It’s just that such a large percentage of their stock looks like crap, but when you try it on, much of it is really quite lovely. There’s a stone-colored version of these we greatly prefer, but the image was too small to deal with, so here we are, with coral. Diesel Alzome flats, $79.95

We’ve shown this before, and we still think it’s fabulous. Michael Kors off-shoulder fringe shirt, $350, down from an astounding $1750

Or, you know, Katie Holmes on the cover of Us Weekly. Do her parents see something like that and just start crying? Because we would. This whole time, we’ve been pretty meh about the whole gay-Scientologist-blah blah Tom Cruise thing, but he stole Chef from us. The man goes too far. It’s not like we were going to see Mission: Impossible 3—seriously, we’d rather watch cheese melt, a literal transcription of the film, in any case—but now, our not-going should be considered an out-and-out boycott.

Anyhoo, how to dress like you’re married to the chief Scientologist \\ cheeseball \\ couch-jumper, in four easy steps:

1. Classic Marc Jacobs handbag. The one in the pic looks like the Elise to us, but bigger, so we’re baffled. In any case, were we to go with an MJ handbag in the KH vernacular of super basic, it’d be this one, the Blake-ish large satchel for $1075. If we were going to get one we’d be excited about, it’d be … well, it’d be the Mulberry Elgin. But whatever.

2: Stitch’s jeans. As UsW notes: “both in Stitch’s jeans!” Whatever. Stitch’s are, for us, just one of those endless nebulous brands, like Acne, 1921, Genetic, that we just can’t keep straight, and we can’t be bothered to, for that matter. It’s always just, like, Enough! We get it! We can’t stand in gray-area cropped ones, so here’s our choice. As Kitson, our seller of choice, but only because we can’t find reasonable pictures anywhere else, says: “All Stitch’s jeans are handcrafted for ultimate durability and aged in redwood barrels.” What? Redwood? Why? Ugh. The Cherokee, $265

3. These are actually worse than the shoes she’s wearing, but they’re close. We hasten to add that we would not buy these. We would buy these. Sometimes the conceit fails us. Pucci flats, $225

4. We’re so bored by the top—plus it’s maternity, so we’re clueless—that we’re not even going there. Really. We don’t even have a problem with Katie Holmes; she was good in Pieces of April. We just want Chef back. We’ll say it again: The man goes too far.

Half off! MXMJ mini-dot voile top, $114 down from $228

In today’s Ask the Stylist:

What are the five key items any girl working in an office should have in her work wardrobe?

This question sort of makes us weep, because the answers are so boring. Here is a true story: For our very first interview after college, at a magazine that shall remain nameless (er, Details), we wore an outfit from Bebe. An outfit that might have been a little over-the-top at a nightclub. A suburban nightclub, where the bangs would be measured, in inches, for the height they achieved above the forehead. Tss. What we mean is that we have been scarred by, in the past, not knowing the answer to this question. We’re not quite so clueless now, but still, the whole thing gives us a headache. This is why we work in offices so infrequently. That and our inability to interview competently.

Luckily, this is why we have a house stylist. For this Ask the Stylist, we gave her five categories—shoes, shirt, pants, bag, and wildcard—and had her pick her favorites. To be clear, she wanted it known that she’s not assembling an outfit (“Unless it was like your $2000 catering uniform”), and that she wasn’t enthused about the idea in general. “The whole idea here is that you’re dressing for someone else, which I hate,” she says. “You’re dressing not to express yourself, per se, but to make a point, which is usually that what you’re wearing cost a lot of money, or that you’re savvy enough to know to buy a Marc Jacobs bag.”

Eventually we coaxed her into something like submission, and actually got her to find some things she quite liked, as long as they were, you know, not just worn for your boss’s approval. Because screw that guy, right?

“Anne Fontaine makes the most beautiful white shirts ever.” No Internet outlets we can find but there are loads of boutiques in the U.S.; check the site for details.

“I’m not sure I own anything but Alvin Valley pants at this point.” In fact, she gave us the idea for our own pair, so it’s sort of an all-in-the-family situation. She likes “>gray. Both $242

“Of course you’ll want to be just like the rest of the sheep with your LV bag.” Well, blerg, obviously. (The Alma, $835.) She’s being difficult, obviously. We know we’re totally broken record about this, but of course we’d go with the Mulberry Elgin.

“These Christian Louboutin are super sexy and not too Carrie Bradshow.” Fair enough. Agathe pumps, $531

And for our wildcard, something completely inappropriate:

“Because hopefully if you’re working on impressing your boss this hard, you’ll get to go on lots of vacations to Miami, and you’ll need something to wear.” MXMJ Koto Mix bikini, $158

Now, do you have a question for our stylist? One she won’t be so aggravating about? We hope you do. Send it here.