Luella Bartley is famous for her handbags (love them) and for saying she makes clothes to get drunk and fall down in. The problem with her collection for Target — in stores today! — is that, in our opinion, these are clothes to fall down and get drunk in, in, say, the middle school parking lot, when you are supposed to be in lunch.
And above. Seriously, this is made for 13-year-olds. Which is, like, fair enough, 13-year-olds should be able to find suitable British designer goods — but actually, maybe not. Er, definitely not. Twelve-year-olds who are purchasing $1300 Luella Bartley handbags and $19.99 Luella for Target mini-skirts … let’s just say that these were probably not our friends in middle school. Luella rainbow mini-skirt, $19.99
This is not completely heinous. You could wear it, say, to that internship at J. Crew’s HQ and feel quietly superior about your fashion choices. Luella oxford pencil skirt, $24.99
This makes no sense to us. Midriff + suede = blergh. Luella suede jacket, $149.99
We are slightly more enthusiastic about the accessories, including this cuff, but if we bought it, it’d only be because we wanted to be like, “Did you see my Luella Bartley cuff?” “Orange Bolt” cuff, $12.99
Project Runway: the designers of tomorrow! And what we love about them most is the way they, like other fashion-y people we have met in the past, can get away with literally throwing on whatever item of clothing is closest to their hands when they wake up after doing coke in nightclub bathrooms until five in the morning. (Er, not that we have any evidence that the fashion-y people involved in Project Runway would ever consider doing such a thing.)
We love these shoes because we are quite sure we would wear them if we were a character in a movie involving a previous, less-controversial war, the triumph of good over evil, and lots of handsome British soldiers making witty comments about their villages and the French.
We might pair them with some excellent patterned tights.
Recently we went to the Imperial War Museum in London, and there were all these displays about Americans entering the war, and we felt all brave and nostalgic, and very Yankee can-do, and then we went outside, and it was depressing all over again.
The connection between this and the shoes is very tenuous, but we are sure if we were wearing them we would plant a victory garden, and buy some bio-diesel fuel, and write a little letter to Al Gore telling him how nice it would be if he was president.
Sunglasses. Once, we thought sunglasses were only for summer. We know this was an overly Calvinist, joy-killing position, but we have not been moved to consider sunglasses proper attire for, say, walking up and down the aisles in the Park City Albertsons because you’re a WB star with a bit part in a Sundance movie and you don’t want your "fans" \\ the 55-year-old guys trailing you to "recognize" you.
We were walking down Main Street here today, when this gaggle of teenage girls started freaking out and pointing in the window of a restaurant. Some young man exited the restaurant and began hugging the girls. "Who is it?" we said to one of the girls who had already experienced her hug, and "blegjkh gdkjfghdk fgdfkjghdfk," she said, speaking either in a Slavic language or in tongues, we have no idea. And we still don’t know who they saw. Perhaps someone from Laguna Beach.
Anyhoo: sunglasses. Besides bizarre, annoying pseudo-celebrity morons and their supermarket sunglasses, we also hate oversized sunglasses with giant metallic logos. Really. Seriously. Jesus. Barf.
This is why we love Oliver Peoples, and his non-logoed sunglasses. Honestly, they’re beautiful. Lately we’ve been putting a percentage of our paycheck into a savings account, and we are saving not for retirement but for Oliver Peoples sunglasses.
These are definitely oversized, but not in the bug-eyed Rachel Zoe way. The Rachel Zoe backlash is in full effect, hmm? And why is Nicole Richie on the cover of Lucky? Tss. Love these, though. The Athena, $240
These are practically the same, but also quite pleasing. These kind of make us want to give up our apartment and move into a house with 4-6 art students and live in their dining room. Because there are so expensive, and we want them so much. The Cameo, $240
These are ever-so-slightly rounder but still, really, totally rectangular. There’s not really so much to say about sunglasses, you know? You like them, you don’t. For all his jackassery, we really hope Michael Moore causes the health insurance industry as much pain with his new film as they cause everyone else all the time. Er, times one million. The Pandora, $240
And these are a totally different vibe. Have we mentioned we’re, at this moment, sitting in a screening room where we are going to watch a movie featuring a man who makes love to a bulldozer? Yeah, we’re pretty psyched. [Awkward transition coming in 3, 2, 1...] We’re also really psyched about these aviators, which are like ten times sleeker than any other aviators we’ve ever seen. The Aero, $325
Sienna Miller is like the canary of boots. Before, she wore LfA. Now, she wears Livs. She is our barometer. In all things. Except boyfriend-selection. Really, Jude Law is just not that hot.
Anyhoo: Must Have New Boot! – Livs Cream Flat Knit Boot (according to Kitson, natch): $125. Also available in Sienna-pleasing shades of black, gray, light brown, turquoise, purple, and “rasta.” Bob Marley, now spinning.
Oh, Hilary and Jackie. We laughed, we cried, we cried more, and we marvelled over the idea of sisters who would share a husband, when we would be hard-pressed to surrender to ours even one of those embroidered Christmas sweaters with sequins standing in for lights on the felt tree. We are just not sharers like that. But we loved the movie, and in honor of Sundance, we give you one of our favorite film-y fashion moments. This is right after Hilary kicked Jackie out for fucking her husband. At least she had that nice jacket to wear.
There is a very similar coat worn by Maria Schneider in The Last Tango in Paris, with terrific knee-high boots, v. ’70s chic, whatever. But even looking at stills of that movie makes us feel dirty — butter, ugh, ugh, ugh, vomit — so we will stay with Hilary and Jackie.
This coat from Forever 21 reminds us very much of Hilary’s coat. H&M also always seems to have loads of them. This Forever 21 coat costs $69.50. It will probably last about as long as it takes to read this post (that’s why the return period is 15 minutes, approximately three minutes before the seams start to unravel.) But for those 15 minutes: Hilary and Jackie-esque coat bliss!
Sadly, Forever 21 has decided not to link to this particular coat, which is why our glorious cell shot must suffice. $69.50 at your local F21. A peacoat version is only $29.89 and is available online, but it’s not as cute. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
Today we write to you from the pittiest pit of the earth, also known as Sundance. The films are lovely. The people are less so. Perhaps if they could be gagged and bound and driven back to Los Angeles in their BMWs. Then, it would be paradise. Sadly, no one seems willing to complete this small task.
Last night, for example, we were sitting in our rental car in a supermarket parking lot, having just paid $7 for a frozen dinner, talking to a friend on a cell phone, because we live in a state when rational people have made it illegal to drive while doing so. We are the sole island in a sea of empty parking lot spaces—left and right, north and south, there are empty spaces. But then: honk! Honky honk! We are being honked at. There are empty spaces left and right, but this man wants our space. We turn. We look at him. We give him the finger. We’ve given people the finger before, but usually it is a quick, pissy, irritated thing. This time, we took our time. All we wanted was a bat to start bashing his windshield.
Our favorite moment thus far, overheard in the rental car agency: "It’s not like New York, where people judge you on how smart you are and if you read the newspaper." Now, there are so many things a person should not be judged on: their natural hair color, their height, their ability to accessorize with hats. But we remain pleased to live in a city where people get all judge-y when you get your news from E!.
Anyhoo: With the starlets, comes their starlet fashions. We have decided to focus on boots, and offer you a brief (er, really brief) boot slideshow, which will grow throughout our stay here. We say here that these first boots are truly, truly spectacular, and worn by a smart, fashionable, and friendly person who, obviously, is not from Los Angeles. She says they are "a no name [sic] brand from Vancouver." We do not know if "no name" is like our favorite mall boutique "NoName" (which, believe it or not, we once thought was pronounced "no-nah-may") or if she was describing the brand’s under-the-radar-ness. They’re like Cargo Uggs but 1000 times better. If we could find these, we would, but we can’t.
.
Instead, we offer you the Ugg Uptown, still ubiquitous, and still annoying. Ugg Uptown, $180. For more Sundance boots, check out the slideshow!
Honestly, we can’t believe Jocasi bags ever go on sale, because they are so perfect and beautiful. But they are, on sale, as well as the other two things, so now is the time to stock up. And we can attest to the fact that delivery to the US only took a week, which seems to us like some kind of miracle of modern civilization. in fact, it took longer for us to find our credit card and send them the number (8 days) than it did for the bag to get here (6 days.) Former: pathetic. Latter: excellent!
Fuck Uggs, seriously, just fuck them, fuck them, fuck them. We don’t care about snow, or hail, or crazy wind storms blowing things over on bridges where we would really prefer for things not to blow over: Just fuck them.
We were recently in a Jones Bootmaker store, walking around in one sock and one new boot because the salesgirl refused to give us both boots at once, and we kept walking around, partly to annoy her, but also because we wanted to do a little on-the-spot survey of how women in London wear their boots, what kind of heel they were, making excellent use of those $20,000 in student loans, etc. And while many of them were, indeed, wearing boots, a sizable number were wearing little French Sole ballet flats. There was no need to remain part of the imperial Ugg monster! French Sole, it was. And is.
Really, this has nothing to do with Uggs, and could have easily been a nice little thing about French Sole. We just can’t help it.
Anyhoo, the basic gold. FS says: "Our most famous customer, Diana, Princess of Wales, loved this classic shoe for its simplicit, style, comfort and durability." Well, we can’t beat princesses. Around $100. Shipping to the US is about $20.
The pink leather is also nice, especially if you are nine years old. We learned a new expression on our trip, "1661," applied to women who look 16 from the back (mini-skirt, tights, bubble jacket, etc.) and 61 from the front. This is one of those times that we are sure being born as a women is a karmic joke. Anyway, around $100.
Patent leather overwhelmes our delicate sensibilities, but it’s everywhere, and who are we to resist? Around $100.
And these may actually be our choice. Yellow leather. Yellow shoes always make us feel a little more suburban and effort-y than we want to feel. But still. Kind of adorable. Around $100.
