Is it us, or does this Paul Smith bag just sort of look like it has three nipples?

Every once in a while, someone will e-mail us with a picture of themselves wearing something odd and ask for our opinion. But, we would always say, one opinion could not possibly suffice: What we needed was the voice of the community, the vox populi. Or something. And so begins “Does [X] Look Fat in This?”, whereby we finally found a girl with both a questionable purchase and the cojones to let us put her picture on our little site. And so, we open up the comments to our BS audience, whom we truly believe to be, quite possibly, the only intelligent fashion audience in the world. To them we say, please advise this nice person who has given us her best denim-y pose. Critical but kind comments are welcome. Mean comments will be deleted, and their posters cursed, forever.

The owner says: “I know I look like I am posing like an Americna Idol reject, but it was the best I could do. Also, please ignore my lack of shoes.” She also asked us to place a little pudge-box over the possible pudge, since her question related strictly to her ass, which we pointed out was difficult to see from this perspective. But okay.

To recreate this look at home, look no further than Diesel’s Keate Stretch, $170

Now, who else would like to submit their purchases for review? Send pictures now to bunnyshop at mac.com.

Something about this bag just screams New Jersey middle school to us, and New Jersey middle school is, indeed, a concept with which we are undoubtedly familiar. And it’s so “great with jeans,” a concept with which we are undoubtedly getting a little tss-ized: What, really, is not good with jeans? It’s one of those, like a=b and b=c but c does not equal a things, sort of: 99% of bags look good with jeans, we’ll estimate. But then there are bags that look annoying with anything but jeans, and we feel like that might be the sad case here. It’s so weekend-y “cas” that, oh, we feel like it’s the kind of bags worn by girls who wear Marc Jacobs heels and True Religion jeans so they can go to the bar with their boyfriend and making loud “woo”-ing noises while watching football games. Just being one of the guys! Ugh, we hate those girls. Except the real fans. We love the real fans. But they’re too busy painting their face, say, green and white, or torturing little Eli Manning voodoo dolls, to worry about $200 handbags. Go Eagles! The Nana Hobo, $198

And this bag is on the borderland between cool ’80s-ish-ness and Sporty Spice overload. Spiceworld, by the way, is a hysterical movie. Mostly on purpose. Baby and Scary must look at Posh now, like, what the motherfucking fuck? The Nana Sling from Dutchy, $158

First, a tiny bit of found art. These are Uggs, and we found them exactly where they should be, left on the sidewalk next to two empty liquor bottles. Honestly, it could have been a little installation piece. Why were there Uggs on the side of the street? We may never know. We do know, however, that we were pleased to see them there.

Moving on, now. The reason we bring up Uggs is because they will kick off our discussion of our much-hated trend, the studded shoes. Studded shoes are like those black leather jackets you always see in gay porn. (Or we’ve heard. And we really mean that, “And so we’ve heard.” We can honestly say we’ve never seen any gay porn, but we have heard about those jackets.) Anyway, they’re like those jackets in that they’re supposed to be all tough and everything, but they just look lame, like you’re trying to be all RAWK and you’re really just lining up for Maroon 5 tickets. Why are there studs on these boots? We can’t figure it out. Uggs Studded Tall Boot, $180

These are just so terrible they almost defy conversation. These are only purchased by trust-fund actresses who live in Los Angeles neighborhoods we just hate, hate, hate. Someone we know once told us that New Yorkers are defined by their hatred for Los Angeles, whereas Los Angelenos couldn’t give less of a shit about New York — meaning it was our pathetic unrequited hatred that was the problem. We’re cool with that. La Rok Pearl Encrusted Shoe, $94.20

These boots have warts. That is all. Bridget Thunder Studded Boots, $365

And these just make us sad. Franco Sarto Vail Clog, $78.95

Ah, it’s no fun talking about things that make us sad. This could be a good week, no? Ashton and Demi get married, and God please hear our prayer may we never hear, see or read about them ever again! Amen. See? Could be excellent! Here are two nice studded things to cleanse the palate, as it were.

CYDWOQ belts are so excellent. They’re sort of studded, just a little bit. CYDWOQ Filigree Oval Buckle Belt, $129

And this is practically the only studded Jocasi bag we could find. They used to be practically all studded. They’ve moved on. We must move on, all together. There is a world out there, without Ashton, Demi, or studs. Can you imagine it? Ooh, just a little like heaven. Jocasi Indie Studded Bag from luvcharlie.com, $250

The thing about Borba is that it’s begging for skepticism. Skin care? You can drink? Like Vitamin Water. God, Vitamin Water is just so annoying. Anyway, the only thing we hate more than the idea of Borba is our unfettered cynicism, so we put it out to our BS friends: Is there among you a guinea pig? We’ll send you a pack of Borba’s Skin Balance Confections, and you report back to us. Will it “restore the skin’s radiant look and feel”? Could it “help stimulate the removal of toxins, while keeping pores clear and promoting skin clarity”? We doubt it, but hey, what the fuck do we know? We’re not scientists. We can barely read, as a matter of fact. So: first come, first served. Just send us an e-mail with why you should get the Borba and a picture of your skin as is, and swear, absolutely swear, you will send us pictures of your face once a week for four weeks. Those will be posted for evaluation, so that may or may not be worth a free bag of “Acai Skin Treatment Gummi Boosters.” If you’re shy, we can do a Glamour don’t-style black bar over the eyes. How fun is that?

7:52 PM: Really, the question is, how many of the following adjectives will be applicable to the family in question: poor, foster children, parent-in-military, mother with hideous wasting disease, child with bizarre light sensitivity disease, absent father, Lemony Snicket-type orphans, sad baby.

7:56 PM: Thus it is revelaed what motherfucking assholes we are, as EM: HE apparently started an hour ago. It’s hysterical, but not the way we thought it would be.

7:57 PM: Did Ed Sanders just say he was going to “bang [that] tight”? Little sexual for Disney, no?

7:59 PM: Sears: Your proud EM: HE sponsor. it this were a magazine, there’d be a little box that says “Advertorial” in the corner. Oh, who are we kidding? No, there wouldn’t, actually.

8:00 PM: Ty Pennington is really so ADD. He must drive his camera crew fucking nuts.

8:01 PM: Okay, so we were like an hour late, but: parent-in-military. Right. Why is Ty wearing camo?

8:03 PM: Really, Ty? “There’s no way [you] could do what those guys do every day?” You can see every thought on that guy’s face happening as it occurs to him.

8:05 PM: It’s so great that there’s someone who’s jointly in charge of “construction/creativity.” That’s like being in charge of “wallpapering/whimsy” or “flooring/fantasy.” The accurate job description would read something like “hot blonde with affinity for camera.”

8:06 PM: Ty poking his head over that concrete wall was like Oscar the Grouch popping out of a garbage can. Seriously, he should be a character in a Disney parade.

8:08 PM: We have an endless reserve for EM:HE but our stomach just went a little floo-y with that Harry Potter trailer.

Read rest of story…

What are you doing tonight, around 11 EST? Will you cry, with us, and Ty? Do you want to see a family’s dream come true, at lesat until the property taxes are due?

That was not intended to rhyme. But join us, if you like, for our first-ever live-blogging event: the premiere of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, that most unlikely combination of home design and weeping reality TV stars.

We thought we loved Vanessa Bruno’s spring bags. But these are even better. The fall colors are so excellent, especially the brown on brown. Which totally sounds like a porn movie. Around $200, for satin and sequins! Which totally sounds like an Elton John song. Around $400 for leather. That could be either a porn film or an Elton John song, not sure which.

Could it be anything other than the biggest media, design, and crying-orphan event of the year? We speak, of course, about the season premiere of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, and what we believe will be the world’s first EM:HE live-blogging virtual-reality drinking game. We just know this is going to end up with us passed out on the floor, with the neighbor’s cat pawing at our face, but until then, it’s totally rock and roll. Rock and roll crying-men etc.

But if you have as little to do at, we think, 11 PM EST on Sunday, as we appear to have to do, please come by for a live blogging drinking spectacular.

P.S. This song (links to iTunes) is like a little piece of heaven in musical form. And only $.99!

This is the problem with crap like photo albums, journals, cute little books, etc.: We buy them all the time, and they are eventually going to keep us from buying a house. This is if Suze Orman is to be believed. Seriously, we’re wagering that maybe 65% of our credit card debt is due to buying blank journals. Just the other day, we’re walking down the street thinking, wow, we should really have a journal to record our observations about the movies we’ve seen. See, now, that’s a really crap idea. That’s just unnecessary.

So we’ve had a little moratorium on buying journals and things, and this has, in fact, left us considerably more capable of buying slightly less ridiculous things, like food and bus passes. But these Thomas Paul ones … these are really nice. These are worth a temporary hold on our moratorium. Perhaps we could record our thoughts of various gardens, or weather conditions, or — and yes, this is totally it — a record of all the things we buy. It’s sort of meta in its back-and-forth-ness. But you know, every time we feel a little guilty about spending money on journals … like, some people are addicted to crack. So whatever. Did we mention those journals are silk? All $28

Silk composition journals! Silk! Maybe we could record how much Diet Coke we drink. Or how much we love David Walliams, who would totally be our boyfriend if we were Kylie Minogue, and he were totally straight. $18

And by the way, as far as we understand it, that silk comes from remnants from the creation of Thomas Paul’s pillows, which are awesome. Our pillow strategy, at the moment, involves the ones that cost $6 at IKEA, but really, those are a painful, annoying, squishy reminder of the whole get-what-you-pay-for thing. They make us homesick for our parents’ house, and the dog, and the nice pillows there. And these aren’t exactly sleeping pillows or anything, but they’d look nice on a couch. If we had a couch. Perhaps they will look nice on the floor, where the couch would be, if we had one.

From left to right, sort of: gold (Starburst, $56); greenish (Dandelion, $56; pink (Baroque, $56) brown (Seed Luxe, $80.)

By the way, is it us, or is the dialogue on Law and Order sometimes really, unbelievably, excessively bad? And P.S., the whole Martha Stewart “You just don’t fit in” thing is proof that we remain, as a society, in some kind of Matrix-y high school. Or maybe she does. Could we maybe deport her to Guatemala, along with Paris Hilton?