2005 May » Bunnyshop

The Shopping Weekend in Review: Manhattan’s Mall of America

05.17.2005

To be clear, we have absolutely no intention of participating in this film’s $23 million first-place weekend box-office tally, as we would rather use those 90 minutes rinsing off the Frisbee our dog likes to pee in. We will admit, though, that we read the review of it in the New York Times, if for nothing but the schadenfreude, and our only reaction was: Headband? That’s kind of a nice headband. Where would one get a headband like that?

Unbelievably, we would find our answer within three [waking] hours of asking that question. At Anthropolgie, where usually the questions answered are “How much could the most expensive pair of cotton cargo pants possibly cost?” or “Has anyone seen a $9,800 zinc baker’s table from Provence?” But today, we answered the question of, “Even if I find Jennifer Lopzez personally repellant, seeing as how she wasted the legitimate talent in Out of Sight to star in bizarre Emmy skits with her weird husband, where could I find a headband a little bit like the one she wears in that movie?” The answer: Anthro. With their $58 silk scarf. Perfect for pretending we are telenovela star or married to a freakish Latino pop star or stalking Jennifer Garner.

This triumph began our stroll through the Mall of America, which is the proper name for the stretch of Fifth Avenue between 20th Street and 14th Street in Manhattan and which is where all the daughters of suburbia go to shop when they get a little homesick for non-Manhattan parts of the world. Our problem, yesterday, was that we went to bed at 4 a.m. and woke up at 10 a.m. and pretty much got dressed with our eyes closed. Then we realized we were in Manhattan and looked like an idiot, except for our new silk scarf. This meant we would have to buy ourselves some new clothes.

We knew we bagged on the Gap a lot last week, but then we bought two ribbed tanks for $20 (reg: $16.50 each) and now we’re the Gap’s bitch again. Too bad they can’t do anything but basics.

Then we went to J. Crew, and it was like our total suburban mall dream. They are really just a little bit more expensive than the Gap and seriously, maybe it mines a certain Holy Cross-golf team vibe, but let’s face it, we spent today staring out our window and going to the stoop sales that were between our apartment and the place where we return our overdue videos. It’s not like we’re doing anything so fabulous on weekend afternoons. J. Crew is fine. Are we being defensive? It’s fine. Sigh.

These three-inch-high
Now this T-Bag tunics we love from Scoop, but we’d wear this cashmere one more — it feels a little more substantial, and a little less like a spring shower is going to provide an insta-wet-tunic-contest. $178

See this sweater? It’s summer-weight cashmere. Now imagine it in brown, and not that horrible pink. Isn’t it great? $148

Then we wandered into Banana Republic, where we found these
And this: We don’t have any words for this. ——–. Piece of ——. $78

Semi-Breaking News: Stella McCartney Joins the H&M All-Stars

05.15.2005

Stella takes over for Karl again — first at Chloe, now at H&M. Hot pants, gladiator shoes, unresolved hatred of same-age stepmother … should be a fascinating November at H&M.

Sale of the Weekend: Black Cashmere Sweater from Juicy

05.14.2005

Okay, we freaking hate Juicy Couture. But:

1: The co-designer, Gela Taylor, is married to John Taylor from Duran Duran. How the fuck is this possible? This is proof of an ultimate design to the universe, or alien impregnation of Earth. This is like when we found out that Julian McMahon — who plays sex freak Christian on Nip / Tuck — is the son of the former prime minister of Australia.

2. You can never have too many black, ribbed, t-shirt cut cashmere sweaters, and this one is delightful — and … er, 60% off? $198 down to $59.40? Is that 60%? Whatever. See, this is our disability — so often, we’d say, “Ah, who needs a utilitarian black sweater when we could get a gold spangle halter top?” And then we would basically wear the halter top in the space from the bathroom to the door and then back to the closet, where we would deposit it. And change into our utilitarian black sweater. This is the first sale posting we actually got all nervous and paranoid about, and almost didn’t put up because we want to keep it to ourselves.

Current Obsession: Sukie Journals

05.13.2005

Like every other Tori Amos \\ Bright Eyes eterna-fan, we’re addicted to journals — even if we completely forget about them after three weeks of diligent entry-making. They’re still endlessly promising. And the best part about Sukie journals, besides the totally retro covers, are all the little hidden extras: the glacine envelopes, the stickers, the line drawings. We love them. That is all. Sukie photo album, $12

We don’t have much to say about this travel book, because its greatness speaks for itself, so we’ll just say that it is unreserved truth that any Hollywood movie about treasure-hunting that appears to end with the discovery of a metaphorical treasure will, without a doubt, ultimately end with the discovery of a literal treasure. $18

And how beautiful is this? It is so beautiful, the opposite of that commercial about brushing your teeth or something where the girl’s like “then there was all this pink in the sink.” Everytime we see that commercial, we want to run into the bathroom and puke in the toilet. We hate to be graphic, but that’s how much we hate that commercial. Sukie deluxe notebook, only $10!

The American Idol Fashion Tip: Carrie Underwood’s Embellished Tunic

05.12.2005

Nevermind that the most exciting moment on reality television last night was the triumph of Joyce and Uchenna over wedding shills Rob and Amber on The Amazing Race: We were so taken with Carrie Underwood’s embellished black tunic on AI that we’ve postponed today’s scheduled column on hand soaps (so much more exciting than it sounds.) So there aren’t any screen grabs available — this is from her first outfit \\ song, “Sin Wagon” by the Dixie Chicks — but if you’re curious we’re sure they’ll show if off in all the pre-results recapping, and we’ll call Fox to see who it was. But in the meantime, these are our favorite tunics. This is not an endorsement of Carrie Underwood. Go, Bo Bice! Go, Uchenna and Joyce! That is so fucked up that that almost rhymes.

Above, that’s actually the closest to the Carrie Underwood version, though we like how that one was a little bit sparklier — sequins or something. This is a little bit calmer and a little bit more appropriate for public spaces that are not used for performing alongside Ryan Seacrest. And we like the wear-it-with-jeans length. By T-Bags for Scoop, $175

This Free People is exactly like the ones you can find in vintage stores, but without the raspberry jam stains, bleach yellowing, and 25 years of sweat stains. Exactly like but much nicer, in other words. Love the three-quarter sleeves. $58

It’s so tragically impossible to see how great this extremely pale sea-green Chloe tunic is — tragic in the forgot-to-tape-Survivor way, not in the mass death way. But disappointing all the same. $660

We can understand people being like, “Ugh, that is the ugliest fucking thing,” but we can’t help it, we totally like it. We’re into the brown, pink and cream combo, and we love the side vents and the deep yet narrow v-neck. So sue us. Tory by TRB, $385

This Elie Tahari is like the Platonic ideal of tunic tops, with just enough embellishment to, you know, earn the embellishment title, but not enough to be really eye-catching. There’s something a little vanilla and expected about it, which sounds like a negative but really just means that we’d end up wearing it about 1000 times more often than the edgier stuff in our closer. Er, on the floor of our closet. $268

Again, love the length and the jeans combo. This is what that terrible What Not to Wear woman told us we had to wear every day, so the world’s collective psyche would never be scarred by the visual fact of our knees. Bitches! Taylor tunic dress from Blaec, $240

How Joss Stone Ruined Our Afternoon: An Excursion to the Gap

05.11.2005

Now, we believe in the Gap, like we believe in baseball, apple pie, and the Fourth of July. We know what “GAP ACT” stands for (greet, approach, production information, accessorize, close the sale, thank the customer) because we did, indeed, work at the Gap for three years in high school and college. As a nation, we need the Gap: We need $12 tank tops. We need Long and Lean jeans for less than $40. And we need “sweat walls.”

Unfortunately, though, we always find ourselves circling the Gap like a high school crush at our 10-year reunion. Warily, suspiciously, but with no small amount of hope: Things could turn around at any moment, and we want to be there when it happens. And that terrible Joss Stone was the final nail in the metaphorical coffin: Never before had we said to ourselves, “White jeans! Now there’s an idea,” until she put that idea in our head. This is the power of advertising.

So off to the Gap we went. First, we tried on the twill cotton pants. These are pretty horrifying. These are what we’d wear if we wanted to dress up like a really unhappy housewife. $39.50

But we still believed in this whole white-jean thing. So next we tried on the notch waist cropped pants, which had some kind of crazy stretch in them. These are what we’d wear if the Halloween theme was crazy white stretch pants, like an ’80s aerobics instructor, but not the cool pipe-welding kind. $49.50

Exhausting our patience with the entire white-jean issue and beginning to be very annoyed with Joss Stone, we perused the accessories department, since they’re Emma Hill-designed, and she’s so clever. But this studded bag was like total Jocasi redux, but crap. Just buy the Jocasi original, which is genius and practically our favorite brand of the year. Do not buy the crap Gap revision. $34.50

This is a picture of the Jocasi original, which is like 1000 times better. Click on “Indie Studded,” sorry we can’t link straight there but there’s some weird frames issues.

And these are kind of cool, but (a) they look like something we could make ourselves with a sufficient amount of paste jewels and a hot-glue gun, and (b) they look super chintzy with the [paltry] arrangement of “jewels.” It look like they ran out of (a) budget or (b) effort. $29.50

Oh, Gap. We’ll be back, but really, hustle, people.

Spotted: The Global Fashion Test

05.10.2005

The debut of a new Bunnyshop column! Send us your pictures of the world’s most interesting [cough] dressers, for our fun and amusement, and we’ll send you a prize.

Photo courtesy of: Our spy
Location: Rue de Baci, Paris
When: Monday, April 25, 2005, 4:42 p.m.
Vibe: Never understood the phrase “too much of a good thing”
What she was thinking:: “I like gold-dusted corn flakes, I like Havaianas with Swarovski crystals on them, I like Hermes umbrellas, I like stuffed teddy bears, but only when they’re stuffed with foie gras! Ha! What I like are the most boring possible things with the most possible cachet: See my Prada purse? I’m cool! See my Dolce and Gabbana belt? Are you sure? Cause that’s why I bought the really big silver logo belt, to make sure everyone could see it, because I’m totally Dolce and Gabbana. I’m cool! And see my giant Louis Vuitton bag! I’m cool! I’m rich! Wheee! Too bad I’m so boring that I have to wear jeans and black sweaters with a black belt and black shoes. See, even though I have all this cash, I don’t have much of an imagination. Really, it’s quite sad. Now I’m going to go home and having boring sex with my boring, rich boyfriend so he can lend me his credit card and I can go buy some more black sweaters and maybe a trench coat or a gypsy skirt, I heard they’re totally cool. Wheee!”

Sale of the Weekend: Extended Version

05.07.2005

There were just too many things to pick from the Scoop outlet, so we decided to highlight them all. This is despite the fact that the Scoop salesgirls are so mean to us whenever we go into the store. They, however, are nowhere near as bad as the sales staff at a store called Butter on Atlantic Avenue in Brooklyn, which, sadly, stocks some very good stuff. The sad part is that as soon as we lay our apparently muddy paws on something, someone always says, with absolutely no provocation: “We have that in bigger sizes.” How on earth is this a positive sales technique? Has anyone, ever, responded well to this question? We thought it was just a one-off but no, this is a strategy. Apparently to make their cusomters feel fat. Seriously. This is the sales strategy they’re going with?

Anyway, anyway, we digress. Back to Scoop, and their great new outlet site.

That is the sexiest Stella McCartney ever. We don’t know why, but we hope she is so mean to her teenage stepmom. We think this is because we always thought Linda McCartney was so cool. Anyway, this is another one of those dresses that we’d wear if we were an extra on CSI: Miami. It looks a little uni-skin there, but with a tan [or chemical equivalent], it’d be great. $760, marked down to $309

Velvet! Taffeta! Miu Miu! This tank is so exquisite, but in a crafty way, so only girls would know how great it was. Boys, though, will be like, “Dude, the Sixers suck.” Whatever. $695, marked down to $299

This is the Michael Kors shirt we’ll wear to that bar in Amagansett where are the annoying investment bankers hang out, because it will say: I am too cool for you to talk to me. Also, I obviously don’t need you, because my shirt is so freaking expensive, so I will date artists. $1750, marked down to $799

This Marc by Marc Jacobs skirts is for those days when we feel like channeling a little Secretary-era Maggie Gyllenhaal. $298, marked down to $149

Something We Learned From Reading British Vogue This Weekend

05.05.2005

Buy Elizabeth Hurley Beachwear, and your son will masturbate to you. Seriously. Art: Elizabeth Hurley is all splayed out on the sand, mussed hair, dark eyes, pale lips. Text: “Elizabeth Hurley’s Beachwear. As seen in Harrods, St. Tropez and on your son’s bedroom wall.” Translation: Wear Elizabeth Hurley beachwear, and you will be wearing the kind of beachwear typically found on the models covering your son’s walls. Reality check: How many 12-year-old boys have Elizabeth Hurley on their walls? If they’re British, Jordan. If they’re American … actually, we just can’t complete that thought. Toxic-era Britney Spears? Pam Anderson? Lindsay Lohan? But not, really not, Elizabeth Hurley. Exclusively at tHarrod’s.

Current Obsession: Presh

05.04.2005

The problem here is that we weren’t obsessed with Presh necklaces: We were obsessed with Presh belts. But we can’t find the belts anywhere online and the necklaces, which we are pretty sure are made by the same person, are just as good, and prettier, and besides, we always end up losing our belts. But still, Presh, if you’re out there, tell us where we can buy your belts — they’re lovely, much like the necklaces here, with decorative fabric under glass, but bigger and better.

Above, our favorite of all. The more we think about these necklaces, the less we have to say about them, kind of like that Ani DiFranco song where she’s all, “I like you so much, I talk to everyone but you.” This one is $365, $1 for every day of the year we’d enjoy it. Er, if we only kept it for a year and then gave it away, which of course we would never do.

We really can’t say how much we love this. This may be the necklace we’ve dreamt of. $390

Part of what makes this one so cool is that it only costs $120, compared to $300+ for the other ones we like so much.

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