Oh, eBay. It’s like some sort of Jetsons device, where you type in the name of the girl you want to dress like and all these options pop up. Or, in this case of searching for “Sienna,” all these naff gypsy skirts and international-coin belts (in “Genuine leather and REAL international coins,” in case you expected, say, vinyl, and fake international coins, or possibly out-of-circulation coins, or what we have no idea). Oh, Sienna Miller. Seriously, what do you do when you walk out the door and you see people who’ve been mean to you wearing cowboy boots and gypsy skirts and big leather bags?
KOOBA SIENNA LUGGAGE HANDBAG NWT AUTHENTIC!!!
Currently: No bids; starting price $649.99
For girls who want handbags nobody else has … look elsewhere. But at least when someone else correctly name-checks it, you’ll be able to say, “Isn’t it great? It’s a Sienna NWT authentic!”
Authentic LANVIN Bronze Top £340 VERY SIENNA/KATE
Currently: $127.62
Lanvin is so great. And to think — it’s equally Sienna AND Kate. Sienna’s marrying Jude Law, Kate’s marrying crackhead Pete Doherty. Why can’t Jessica Simpson go out with a crackhead? British people are so lucky.
LARGE BALENCIAGA BLACK LE DIX MESSENGER BAG Sienna BN
Currently: $54.74
Have we mentioned we want to get married in Balenciaga? Not the bag. A dress. You know, the thing is, we’ll totally cop to being annoyed and jealous and exceptionally aggravated by certain non-deserving pop stars \\ young celebrities — coke-snorting, crash-dieters with tremendously big boobs, we mean, barf. But we just can’t muster any resentment for Sienna Miller. Are we going soft? Or is it the fact that she’s still off the radar in the U.S? Maybe it’s the fact that even if she’s marrying Jude Law (who, sorry, just doesn’t do it for us), she can still get pushed off a film so Tom Cruise — in yet another awesome display of his heterosexuality — can muscle her out for new promotional girlfriend Katie Holmes.
Boho BOOBTUBE Sz 10-12 Sienna Hippy Peasant Chic BNWT
Currently: $12.94
We can’t help it — we like this Hippy Peasant Chic BOOBTUBE. We actually thought it was Missoni on first glance. As the title suggests, you need a decent boob-area to wear it, but we like the slinky \ trashy vibe.
Vintage Guess Leather Shirt Jacket Brown Boho Sienna
Currently: $1.80
Okay, say what you won’t — and we certainly don’t mean to encourage that unique-to-L.A. hipsters rockabilly look. But this is a whole lot of shirt for $1.80.
It’s almost like “song of the morning.” We were going to call them “goddess shoes,” to go along with the whole Sophia Kokosalaki aesthetic, but that’s just too cheesy. But we don’t like calling things “thongs.” Not underwear, not shoes, not anything. It either sounds like you’re lisping, or it sounds like you’re talking about underwear. But these aren’t flip-flops, or sandals for that matter. They’re thongs, so here we go.
Ergo: The first thong in our thong week. Oh, we shudder as we write those words. Michael for Michael Kors — when we see this at Macy’s, we seriously run past, because it is so hein. But the original Michael Kors — nice. These are so schmancy, with just enough of a heel to hide our munchkin-ness. Michael Kors Sybil Jeweled Thongs [barf], $330
Summer is all about fun. Nothing could be more fun than Pop Beauty. These things are so freaking cute, we stopped dead in our tracks when we saw them show up at Sephora. And what’s even cuter is that Pop Beauty’s owner is the model — we love that homegrown approach. So much better than some stupid model. We read a description of a model in Page Six today that said she was “dumb as paint,” and we laughed at that. Because we hate beautiful girls. The Eye Cakes — Peaches, $19, above is supposedly for brown eyes but we have green and it was perfectly nice, thank you.
And: “glitter stix”! How much more fun could you buy for $8?
And more glitter. We know, whenever we see glitter on people (read: suburban NJ mallstalkers), we think: “Oh, God, that is so sad.” But we still like it. We disdain what we cannot conquer. This is like a fun overdose. Glitter Addict — Rainbow, $28
And Cheeky Pop. Again: fun. Plus we love the graphics so much that we’d just admire the case and its fun little font. As shown in “Sunrise” — ”strawberry red & orangey nectar,” $18
We would buy this delightful bikini from Old Navy, since those Joan of Arcadia checks are going to stop showing up in about three months, right? You know, we write that snarky little line, despite the fact that Amber Tamblyn probably made more last year than we’ll make in the next decade. Derr. Note God-friendly non-string-bikini bottoms. Striped halter top, $12.50, and striped bikini bottoms, $12.50
…and it required our first scene to feature us at some sort of beach or pool, and we had been given sufficient funds to purchase an amazing boob job, this is the bikini we would wear: The Loop Terry Bra from American Apparel, reliably porn-tastic since 1998.
Hello, and welcome to the Bunnyshop summer spectacular. Summer is spectacular, fireworks are spectacular, a lack of socks is spectacular, people doing kegstands on rooftops and not tumbling to their death are spectacular. The whole thing: spectacular. This $199 Jill Stuart bikini from Satine? Exceptionally spectacular. Like that Desperate Housewives photo shoot, without the bickering and Eva Longoria repeating herself ad nauseum. We will have a new bikini every day, as part of our summer spectacular, in addition to our to our regular coverage.
Now, we will ask you the question we have been asking ourselves all weekend: Which magazine coverline is the most unintentionally hysterical: Inside TV’s declaration of the reignition of the “spark” in the Simpson-Lachey marriage, or InStyle’s “Single in the City” Katie Holmes cover? Follow-up: Does InStyle know something we don’t know?
P.S.: It’s not too late to vote in our Celebrity Marriage Death Pool: Simpson Edition. There is an actual prize! It is: the winner’s choice of the JS-endorsed “Treats Deliciously Kissable Plumping Lip Candy.” Vote early and often!
Tonight we did something we have not done for oh, possibly ten years, and that was eat dinner in a restaurant where jeans were not permitted. And all we had in our closet were these ridiculous skirts, like a magenta silk skirt that gets huge dark patches on it if, say, you make the mistake of wearing it in a bar without air-conditioning on a July afternoon. Pants. Clearly the answer is pants.
These white pants might be enough to break us out of our Joss Stone white-jeans nightmare. These are way better cut than anything we suffered through at the Gap. Juicy Couture twill trousers from shopbop.com, $125 down to $87.50
Theory makes the best pants. This was actually one of the subjects of conversation at dinner, how Theory makes the best pants, along with our ideas on various economic policies, rising interest rates, why we just can’t make ourselves care about The O.C. finale, etc. Farrel cropped linen pants from Blaec, $210 down to $175
Green pants. It’s like buying the leather jacket in cream instead of black — kind of ridiculous, almost instantly regrettable … but still, you’re pretty psyched that you got the crazy green pants \\ cream leather jacket. Theory Lowell capri from Blaec, $200 down to $150
That’s the genius thing, that we’ll buy one of these pairs of pants regardless of fact that none of them are even fancy enough to wear at a restaurant where jeans are not permitted, which is our central shopping problem: Say we need a black t-shirt. We’ll go out and buy a white t-shirt. In this case, we’ll buy these totally inappropriate, weekend pants, wear them to the restaurant with Havaianas, and wish we were at KFC with a Diet Dr. Pepper and two chicken legs. Juicy Couture piped capris, $134 down to $40.20
Pins. We can’t get enough of them. We can’t explain why, just like we couldn’t explain the motivation behind our sudden interest in collecting patches a few years ago. Someday, we’re going to find out about some crazy, pin-collecting, patch-sewing hippie loser who died a few moments before we were born, and we will know we are that person’s reincarnation.
That said, we are quite excited about our burgeoning pin collection, and in particular the vintage scarf one by Pamela Barsky. All adorable! All unique! Little style tidbits for $1 a piece.
We also love these dog tags, which we thought were clever key chains. We’re pretty sure they could be repurposed in either direction. Actually, it’s kind of funny to apply all these dog charms (“Bitch,” “Born to Run,” etc) to humans. Right? $10
These vintage scarf pins are great too. See, when things are cool, we have so little to say. We have more to say about the way Michael Chiklis steps all over his fellow commentators on The Shield DVDs. Have you seen The Shield? It’s really good. We hope he’s a good guy. But we hate it when tough cop-types turn out to be all actor-y and “I’m very serious about my work” blah blah. We’re always like, just go bust some heads! The heads of criminals who deserve it, of course. $8
Anyway: Pamela Barsky. We love her stuff, and we plan on buying more of it. We knew we would love her as soon as we read in her blog about how she cried at the end of The Amazing Race, which is better than us screaming and threatening to turn off the television if Rob and Amber won. Blogs! Pins! What’s not to love?
When we finally buy our English country cottage, we will outfit it entirely in Cath Kidston. Of course, the classic English cottage comes after our Brooklyn loft and Mexican hacienda castle, so it could be, oh, at least 18 months until we put that deal together. But some day, mark our words. We won’t even have a pool, just a many-acre property that abuts a river where our friends can punt or kayak or something else appropriately English on the three days a year it is not cold, rainy, and damp.
In the meantime, we’ll forcus our attentions on her delightful oil cloth bags. You know what’s so great about oil cloth bags? Being made of oil cloth, they tend not to absorb potentially stain-ful semi-liquids like Tostitos salsa con queso, which is really more of a queso con salsa. But who’s counting. And you don’t need a cottage to enjoy them. Our favorites: red flowers, pink with dots, cowboys, and “white classic rose.” $38.40
We love vintage style, and we love books. Especially considering the fact that vintage style is so expensive, and this book about vintage style costs only $11.16, we’re going to go with the book today, and the vintage Perspex Chanel bracelets after we pay off our student loan.
This straw bag is so ridiculously East Hampton style, we’ll bet money we’ll see it all over the Montauk trains from Memorial Day to Labor Day. Usually, this would be a sure sign of our hatred, but we’ll make an exception for the bag, which never hurt anybody and won’t ever date an obnoxious investment banker with an attitude control problem and a coke addiction. $44
Oh, duvet covers. See, we eat Oreos in bed occasionally, and it’s so much better to get the Oreos on the duvet cover rather than the duvet. This one is so cute with the embroidered flowers that we might not even eat on it. Strangely enough, this is available only on the UK site, for about $100
Love, love, love this “boxfile.” Not even sure what we would put in it — perhaps our Con Ed bills! Yes! It’s so adorable we wouldn’t even mind if it sat empty on our shelf. $65
